Snow White's a Vampire? (part 1)

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by BiancaHuntress391

by BiancaHuntress391

Once upon a time there was a princess who had skin white as snow, lips red as blood, and hair black as soot. Her name was Snow White, and she was a vampire.

After a series of traumatic events involving the death of Snow White's mother, the queen, Snow White's father married a rather nice lady named Madame E. Villes Tepmother.

Rather coincidentally, Madame E. Villes-Tepmother had a magic mirror. The magic mirror's name was Mim.

Snow White's father had no name, since he was mostly irrelevant to the story.

Once Snow White, the main character, got together with her supporting cast, shit instantly started to go down.

Snow White had been calmly drinking blood out of her Gatorade bottle, as one does, when the magic mirror happened to realise that she was drinking blood.

The magic mirror realised that because Snow White was conveniently sitting before it while she was toggling between drinking blood and murdering an innocent servant. This happened because Snow White was a villain and the story has to establish her as such. In Snow White's defence, she couldn't see her reflection in the mirror.

Instead of telling E. Villes-Tepmother, the mirror decided to instead give her cryptic hints. This happened because this is a dumb fantasy story and the author needs to shoehorn in some forced suspense.

"Snow White is the fairest of them all!" the mirror cried.

"Don't be racist," E. Villes-Tepmother said.

The mirror looked slightly ashamed of itself, even though it did not have a face and thus could not look ashamed.

"Sorry," it said, "I meant her lips are red as blood."

E. Villes-Tepmother nodded. "I know. I've been meaning to ask her what lipstick brand she uses."

The mirror put its non-existent head in its nonexistent hands. "She's a vampire, you ignorant twat."

E put down her book. "Oh. For real tho?"

"Yeah." The mirror sighed heavily.

"Cool. Does she kill anyone?"

"Yeah."

"Oh fuck, I'm gonna have to do something about this."

The mirror fell face down onto the desk, done with E's shit. "Please do."