Lost Cause | Jhope

1

A million times....

A million times it had occured to Hoseok : black streets weren't haunting him , people weren't bothering, silence didn't sound bad, rain and cold felt welcoming, headache was turning into pleasure, quiet streets were drawing away his attention and it was disturbing all at once.

Those things didn't happened to normal people.

Am i becoming a sadist? Is my head going crazy? Will i never find myself again?

He kicked a can on his way with all the strength his leg could muster up. He had tried so hard to let the sensation of ache linger in his chest : it made him feel like he was still a human and not becoming a beast. He hated that the pain felt something different that time.

Something that shouldn't be described as pain . At that point he was ready to accept more pain instead of letting go of that sensation completely.

He wanted to remain a human since he always despised people who would crazily invite the feeling of agony upon themselves. And the next day was his first day at college, he didn't want people to see him as some kind of psychopath. 

He had to get a hold of his humane again. That was the reason that brought him out on the cold street and now he was headed towards a convenience store .

He gripped the cold handle of the glass door and pushed it open. A sense of relief washed over him after finding the interiors warmer than the cruel cold outside.

He had ranaway from home.

Again.

Without a proper thinking.

His feet complained to have left just in crocs. He glanced down at his sorry self. A pair of trousers and grey cardigan weren't doing enough . He was trembling with cold.

He picked a bowl of noodles from the rack and went to prepare it. After paying , he went over to a table by the window. He attempted to warm his hands by cupping the bowl from it's sides and then rubbed his palms on the sides of his neck.

The hot and warmth of the noodles was so welcoming to his trembling lips that he almost smiled with joy. His eyes became watery at the same time.

How strange is that little reasons to smile sometimes take over your deepest agony...

Hoseok downed the whole bowl of noodles in a few gulps and poured down some soju in his glass.

The glass paused between his lips as his glance fell over something distant and unapproachable. His almond eyes crinckled with joy.

His glance danced over her face... The creature was giggling over the reason unknown to him but little was he interested in what made her happy.

He thought that her happiness echoed over the places she didn't even knew about .

Not that Hoseok was a pervert, he had just never seen a smile so beautiful nor a face too bright. Even in his most traumatizing hours, something was able to make him happy.

He unintentionally tilted his face and rested it on his arm , honey brown eyes crinkled into crescents and lips curved upwards in joy.

He smirked at his own stupidity. He sat there like a lifeless statue, not even daring to change his position to miss even a bit of the drama .

As the girl left the store, he smiled vividly , smacking his palm with his forehead.  He believed it was God's plan to make him happy in this state otherwise he would've collapsed .

The dawn sky welcomed him , carrying cold in it's lap and essence when he left the store. He was ready to go home and welcome that devastating trauma only if he had to meet with such a happiness again.