The Past Wounds

Chapter one

My heart falls  into pieces like the glass of water my anger has crushed after hearing such a unfair truth about my self.
« Ulva this might break ur heart but ,don't allow it to harm  you »my mom says , I feel like my mind is regecting all of what they are saying . I can't alow  this fact to become my reality
« it was Friday ,that rainy night  your father fond you accros the road of the woods he saw your shinny face covered  with sheets ,surrounding you a letter that I would like if you read honey » she says ,
I hand  the letter from her , I glance at it for a while , I can't help to hold my tears , falling non stop  on the white letter  ,like the memories my mind is picturing me  , as if it is telling me not to BELIVE this  terrible thing, I hold my breaths as I open the damn it :

It written :
(might gods protect you if protect our blood from the darkness and might not tell her heavy truth till 18 years  peacefully passes her soul )

I allow the letter to make her way down on the ground , I, hold my self from  grabbing it and burning this ugly  evidence that proves I'm no one , but a forgotten girl her parents has abandoned,  I have lived a lie , I press my fingers on my eyes drying my cries ,"no" I say , nodding my head ,

« i .I'm ... , I I can't BELIVE this ...why is this happening...I ...no there must be something wrong I'm your daughter ,mom ,dad I'm your daughter oky  ? »I say
my dad glances me  deep into my eyes with his ocean wide eyes « ulva me and your mom are here for you ,
, we love you , we might not be your birth parents but we are your mom and dad no matter what ,  oky ? and come on stop crying now just  show me your big smile » He says , he spreads his arms large  enough to hold me and my mom, as I glance at mom to see her reddened checks wet with tears ,I squeeze  my arms around them both hardly breathing my eyes are bleeding tears of joy and pain  ,I'm not mad at them , they respected   the letter anoncement I'm great full to have them I would die for them , I'm who am to day thanks to their heart ,that they have shared  with me .providing me with a real home and love ,

Now ,me and my self only , oh I hate it .
The signals of pain in my emotions, for each  thought in my head , vibrating into my body , pain , is the only feeling I can feel , non stop , I can't stop it , I breath deep in my diagrams , and I exhel it out with all the power I have , I can't get red of it , I feel the tension in my body , I feel it  every where in me ,I gaze each corner with the feeling of  the darkness in me , with fear , anger , sadness , that contribute to creat the dominate one PAIN
oh my god ,
, I command  my self to believe that I can control it and that is just a lie,  I used to have  this emotional attacks since I was child , at 5 when my parents toke me to  a therapist, because  I used to cry non stop feeling all those emotions at one time , he announced them after my first session, that maybe I saw something bad when I was little ,that I emotionally can't forget , or forgive , now I'm sure I did when I was with those people who let me go in my first years  on earth  .I can  control it I just need fresh air .

The weather inside me seems to be 50degree as I catch  the door look , i leave a spot of sweat on it ,that my body is producing with multiple amounts ,
the first things that comes my mind are :trees ,flowers and plants ,I need the power of nature to make this out from me and heal me , I feel the need to it .
as I grasp the park, I feel disappointed to see that there is no place for me with this crowded  people , at least there's a place for me on the the sidewalk of London city ,I  crawl  on it , allowing my attention on  the sky besides  some plants infront of me ,I dig my gaze deep in the sky , last time I had an emotional attack , was at my 17 years birthday party , it became like a tradition for me , at my birthdays. I play back each peaceful moment I had with mom and dad , I breath in and out ,breath in and out  ,till the tension is all out of my body ,  too much better . But my situation is still bitter , what am I supposed to think, about ?my self, ?as unwanted ? Well this is The dominant thought in my head , they left me ,in the middle of woods with nothing but a stupid unusual letter , i wonder what kind of problems  were they facing so they end up taking such a decision , am nobody I'm ,nobody's daughter .

I close my eyes ,maybe I can forget about  the war in my head , I wrap my legs together and press my armes so strong around my knees , I place my head on the top where my arms holding my knees, what if some animal ate me ,why didn't they had this kind of rational thoughts ,when they dared to let go on me in a place not even safe , my eyes push  tears out , I feel them hot on my cheeks , my eyes are burning , LITERALY burning like fire is set in  each tear reaches my checks ,feels like a flamme , I wrap my tears with my fingers , as  I rapidly detach my hands from the hot spot that is produced In my damn eyes,I grasp at my bottle and catch it ,as I throw the water immediately on my face allowing it to drop  into my hair ,I breath fast , I close my eyes and I open them in quick winkes ,The fresh air nudges  my skin , i feel the warmth of it in my eyes , like the ash after a  fire , I don't know what was that what the hell was that , am I fantasizing ,no , I'm becoming crazy .