Meant To Be Yours

5

Everyone was looking at me as if i was a new creature as if they already know what's on me. Is this not rare or something. I didnt move afraid it will bite. After a five second of holding my breath not daring to look down to the flying things finally started to move away. I felt a little light headed for a minute when the cold hit my body. I looked around expecting a disgusted look like the demons see me when new things happen to me. Instead I was met with admiration. I raised my brows trying to process what the hell just happened. I turned around to see the family wanting to question what is happening. Again I was interrupted by the wave of pain landing on my whole body. I remembered the familiar pain was there. It hit me harshly as if to say 'I'm still here.' I even forgot that I had pain which is pretty rare.

I bend my back holding on to my stomach. But I knew it was not my stomach that is hurting. I could feel every part of my body especially my toes. This pain is not the numbness I knew very clearly. But the kind were my body feels like bursting out and then I would feel hot like very hot as if I'm in a lava. And then after a minute I will feel cold as if I'm in ice. And it will cycle back to feel like my body is bursting...... it's endless cycle I could never get out of. I would feel dissy. I let out a groan.

I wander if it is loud or just a whisper cause I can't hear I was too focuses on the pain. I kneeled not knowing where to hold on to. My hands reached onto my ears when a loud ringing sound or more like high pitched scream was heard. I don't know if it's just me or the others heard it But I didn't wonder much on it. I closed my eyes waiting for the numbness to come. When finally I felt the familiar numbness arrive. Normally I would hate this feeling but now I guess I had to like it. I let out a breath I didnt know I was holding. I opened my eyes still on my kneeling position. My eyes were tired yearning for a sleep. I couldn't let the sleep come due to the dreadful dream I had to go through. It wasn't a dream but a memory I don't want to relive.

I can't feel my body. I feel like I'm floating I liked this feeling eventhough it's the most dreadful thing. numbness. not feeling anything. Shutting down. The only thing I could do was just sit there in peace and look what's infront of me. Or hear the birds chirping and the trees rustling and even the people breathing. I have a sharp hearing ability which is one of my favorite thing in my features. While I was waiting for the numbness to fade away I looked up to the family I met a minute ago. They all looked concerned which surprised me.

Neteyem walked up to me looking at my eyes avoiding my scarfull body. He kneeled to reach at my level and placed a hand over my shoulder. Even though I couldn't feel his skin over mine I felt it in my heart. His eyes carry the worry I never seen before in my entire life. I felt the urge to reassure him and so I did. I smiled. well I tried to. I nod my head with every ounce of strength I had. Gosh I feel so tired. Slowly I felt my numbness fade. I took a deep sigh of what seems a relief before clumsily standing up. Neteyem held his hands up as if trying to hold me if incase I fall.

My eyes Meet the leader's firm but soft eyes. He looked at the mother as if requesting her opinion. At this point I don't even know who is who. The mother is like the leader while the father too is the leader. And 4 kids are the pretty people I have ever seen. This family are truly outstanding. The mother looked at her what seems her mate and she nodded her head. My heart somewhat picked up its pace I think from excitement. The kids smile even the little one who was held by kiri.

Five days have passed i think I'm too obsessed with numbers i cant stop counting the days that passed by.
But it was not like the previous prison-like counting. Like counting the days until i passed out to never come back. This days was like a treasure for me. I almost met everyone. But anyone could not compare to the sully's. They are the best. They took care of me as if I'm they're family. I felt a little uncomfortable when spider came in three days ago. But I got to know him more and changed my mind at the thought of him being like his father. Oh,and I know about all of they're stories thanks to neteyem.

The sully's stories was told to me like a bedtime story. But only the difference is that I won't sleep after. Eventhough I have been living the best life I could ever dream of  the memories of the past still haunt me until now. I could never close my eyes in peace but I found peace in pandora's mother. Eywa. Everynight after making sure everyone is sleep I would sneakout to the village roaming around and looking at the shining plants and beings. I would get lost so lost I would forget that I haven't slept for five days straight. Yeah, I thought it was Impossible but here I am. The pain is worsening day by day but I learned to forget about it

The color of my legs are entirely changing in to blue. And because of that the pain on my legs are more than any part of my body. Sometimes I can't even walk. The sully's tried everything especially the grandma who was previously tsahik. But nothing seems to work. Although the pain increases it didn't stop me from learning new things. I've learned Na'vi language easily with the help of the kids. Oh,and I know there names. Neteyem, the oldest. Lo'ak,the middle child also kiri. Tuk, the last the treasure. Neytiri, the mother and jack sully, the father and tsahik of the olo'tokayan clan.

They showed me everything including Eywa. But most of all they showed and gave me love. They protected me from the war and warned me never to go to the war field. And they've told me I would get my ikran soon enough which I'm excited for. I've been bonding with the horse things(I don't know they're names) I've learned that tsaheylu is made with queue which I didn't notice i had til now. They told me that the war is between the demons and the metekayan clan. Neytiri always took care of me as if I'm one of her kids. And Jake too. I didnt know how to react to there love but I got used to there concern and worry everytime my face twist because of the pain.

But also i learned to hide it from them so they could stop worrying too much. Now I think I've learned and saw everything I need to see in the clan. Faster, I've learned faster than Jake. Neytiri would joke about how skwang he is and how hard she would try but because of his stupidness he doesnt understand quick she says. And we would laugh and laugh and finally drift to sleep. Not me though. I really do want to close my eyes and drown into the blackness but I know that the definition of dreamy blackness  does not apply to me. After making sure everyone is asleep I slowly made my way out to the woods. I thought so but in the tent two eyes were staring deep into the way I have gone to.

I do have learned to hide the pain but it doesn't mean it's gone. When in the day because of the fun and talk and learning I will completly forget that I have pain but in the night it's different story. I think it's because it's silent and the only thing I could think is the pain. Not that I want to think about it it actually forces me to remember I have a pain. I clenched my stomach tight and moved my leg as fast and as far as I can from the tent. I knew a single sound would make them wake up and I don't want them to worry. After a little while of going deeper and deeper into the shining woods I slumbed to the ground landing on my knees. I bend my stomach my head almost touching the ground. My one hand cluching my stomach as if trying to trap it from getting into my whole body. But it was all invain.

First it was a tickle-like thing almost like massage but then it started to grow. That cycle started. I closed my eyes. One hand trapping the sound that will escape from my throat. Tears are already flowing on my cheeks. A muffled scream got out from my lips when the harsh pain knocked me. After a while of the pain getting worse it finally faded and the numbness came. I let my back rest on the ground accepting the numbness. I looked up to the sky the sun is not up yet. So, it was a beutiful sight to look at atleast for a while I could enjoy it. I couldn't feel anything making it much more peaceful.