Warning: suicide attempts, abuse, sexual assault
So, I have been through a lot my entire life I actually never had a childhood you would think that your mom would actually take care of you but instead she treats you like crap. Instead of telling the truth to the police she lies, and I end up going to foster homes where I got physically and mentally and emotionally abused. The ways I was abused is my parents would take me down to the basement and beat me bare ass until I was black and blue. My dad would throw empty beer bottles and try to hit me. Then my parents would fight with each other and then they would come to me. Then at the age of 5 I finally found a good family or so I thought I was not prepared to see my mom literally have knife at her side, but I also was not prepared for her to tell me to do the same thing. Than at the age 11 I got raped by my dad so I am going to walk you through everything that happened so you have a better view of what actually happened so I got home from school and I was looking for my dad and my sister and I couldn't find them so I hid because I heard footsteps but didn't see anything so I went to my sister room and I saw my dad on top of my sister so I closed the door and went into my room and he comes into the room and tells me to get undressed and then he starts with me and I didn't know what to do at the time and if I look back on it now I feel like I could have stopped it from happening. I have many times to kill myself because I got told that no one would care if I died, and no one would miss me. But there is a lot of people that are helping me out with everything, and I really couldn't imagine my life without them. But I still self-harm. When I went home for the weekend my mom told me to go kill myself and no one would care if I dead and I am a burden to everyone and that I don't belong in this world... But I have been doing better I am now going to college to get my teachers assistant certificate there are times where I feel like I am lost and feel alone but I have my friends and my other half helping me they are amazing people, and I don't know what I would do without them. Now you might be wondering why I am opening up to you guys not knowing you it's because I realized the more, I talk about it the easier it will be to face the problem instead of running away from it which I have been doing my entire life.
