Wild Ride (Cyberverse Mech!reader X Hot Rod)

26: Isolation

!!A/N MASSIVE TW FOR DEPRESSION, SELF HARM, SUCIDAL TENDENCIES, AND DRUNKENNESS! ALSO SAD CHAPTER! STAY STRONG LADS LASSES AND NONBINARY MASSES!!
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For what felt like months, we drifted through space with very little action. At least, little action involved me. Most of the Autobots had become very afraid of my presence, and thus, I've been isolated yet again, the only bots who didn't have that fear being Cheetor, Optimus, and Hot Rod.

"He's isolating himself a lot more than he should." Cheetor commented to Optimus. "Not even Hot Rod seems to be able to get him out of his room, and everyone seems scared of him. I do not understand why."

"Some bots are afraid of things that are unknown or different." The Prime said. Hot Rod then entered the control bridge with a sad look on his face.

"No luck?" Cheetor asked.

"No... he's completely shut me out. Not even Telatraan-x can get that door open." Hot Rod said.

"He is right." Telatraan-x said. "Y/D has sealed the door completely shut, and from what I can tell hasn't moved an inch. He wouldn't even look at me when I inquired about his status. Instead, he threw something at the control panel and severed the connection."

"Optimus, we gotta convince Y/D to open. I'm worried about him." Hot Rod said.

"As am I. Grimlock." Optimus said, catching the Dinobot's attention. "We will need your assistance in getting the door open."

"Um... with all due respect, Optimus? I don't know if that is a good idea. I mean, he's a nice bot, but... he's clearly dangerous." Grimlock said hesitantly.

"It wasn't a request." Optimus said firmly. It was rare for the Prime to make direct orders, and it startled everyone.

"I... yes, sir." The group then made their way towards my habsuite, and Grimlock grabbed either side of the door and pried it right open. The sight they saw was a sad one. Littered all over the place were empty bottles of high grade and a very destroyed room with me laying on the floor with my back towards the entrance. My arms and legs were covered in self-inflicted cuts, and some were corroding and infected.

"Y/D...." Hot Rod whispered as he rushed to my very intoxicated frame. I looked up to him with bleary and tear stained optics before shrinking away. I couldn't bear to face him. I couldn't bear to face anyone. I wanted it to end.

"What is his status?" Optimus asked as he carefully entered the room.

"I think you need to get Ratchet. The amount of high-grade he's taken would kill a titain." Hot Rod said.

"Why would he do this to himself?" Cheetor asked with the confusion of a sparkling. "He seemed fine."

"Cheetor, Grimlock, go get Ratchet. Hot Rod and I will wait here." Optimus said. The two then darted off, and I curled up into a tighter ball of shame.

"You okay, big guy?" Hot Rod asked. I shook my head in response. "Ratchet is going to check you out, okay?"

*let me die.* I signed weakly.

"No, I can't do that." Hot Rod said.

"What did he say, Hot Rod?" Optimus asked.

"He... he wants to die." Hot Rod said.

"I got your c- oh..." Ratchet said as he arrived with a gurney in tow, his optics examining the mess and falling onto my limp frame. "Get him on here, I'll have to analyze how much he drank and if I need to flush him out." The two Autobots then lifted my limp and extremely drunk frame up and onto the gurney, my optics dull and lifeless as I looked away. I was then transported to the med bay and laid down where several monitors and sensors were hooked up to me. Ratchet took a sample of energon from my arm and went to analyze it while Hot Rod pulled up a seat next to me.

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" He asked to which I didn't respond. Internally, I wanted to spill everything to him. How I hated that people feared me, the fact that I'm confused about what I am, the visions, the void, the memories, everything, yet I had no words to say it.

"The amount of high-grade he consumed would have killed 10 buffaloids and a goatron." Ratchet muttered. "Y/D, I am going to hook a med-grade energon line to you. It'll flush out the high-grade, and you'll feel a lot better." Ratchet went to hook up the line, but I lightly swatted it away.

"Y/D, please... you're hurting yourself." Hot Rod begged. Tears welled in the mech's optics, and one slid down his face. I had never seen Hot Rod cry, and it broke my spark to pieces. I reluctantly allowed Ratchet to attach the line to me and a steady flow of med-grade pumped through my tubes, flushing out the ungodly amount of high grade. Ratchet then tended to my self-harm wounds and cleaned out the corroded ones. Once he was done, I felt physically better, but I was far too ashamed to feel mentally better.

The only thing I felt was guilt. I was emotionally weak. I was broken.

"Y/D, I know how stubborn you are, so I'm not going to force you to answer any in-depth questions. But I need to know if you are in danger of taking your own life." Ratchet said. I shook my head and sat up with my legs pulled to my chassis and my face buried in my knees. "I'm placing you under a 24-hour observation just to make sure the high-grade is fully flushed out."

I tireldly nodded, and Hot Rod gently took my hand in his. I completely broke, and I pulled him into a tight hug as I sobbed into his neck. I cried and cried and cried until I couldn't anymore. The entire time, Hot Rod held me close and allowed me to pour it all out.

"It's okay, big guy, I've got you." He said as he traced circles on my back. Eventually, I calmed down and pulled away after wiping my optics. "You ready to tell us what happened?" I looked over to Ratchet and then to Hot Rod with a nervous expression.

*I... I don't have the words.* I signed. *everything just feels so heavy, and I'm confused and lost and just... I'm terrified.*

"What happened wasn't in your control." Hot Rod said.

*it's not just that.* I then explained the vision I saw and the dreams I've been having. *I don't understand any of this! What is happening to me? Why am I seeing this? What is the in-between? What... what am I? Why don't I have any answers? I then slammed my fist into the medical berth and felt myself shake as I tried to hold myself together.

"You sound like Optimus when he received the Matrix of Leadership." Ratchet commented. I looked over to Ratchet with confusion, and the old medic's expression softened. "When he was given it by Alpha Trion, he felt the same way you did. Lost, confused, overwhelmed. But he didn't let those things stop him. Do you wanna know why?" I nodded curiously. "He opened up to a trusted friend and allowed himself to let it all out. You seem to have an issue with constantly bottling everything up and hiding behind a stone cold face. You can't be strong all the time."

"You know I'm always here for you, big guy. You can tell me anything at any time." Hot Rod said as he gently placed a hand on the side of my head. "I care about you, and you're important to me."

* Promise me something...* I signed. *promise that... that you won't hurt me or... or abandon me. I don't want to be alone anymore.*

"I swear to you both as an Autobot and your friend that I won't abandon you. Now please, just rest, and I'll come by to check on you."