Fire, Hearts, and Starlight

heart aflame

Howl can't feel the way his heart reacts to Sophie. But Calcifer can.

Tags: Howl/Sophie, Light Angst, Romance

Howl got back late. Again.

He gets back later and later from the black door on the dial.

Calcifer burned low and lethargic, but grabbed another log when Howl sat at the furnace. It perked him up a little.

Howl didn't say anything. Markl was asleep upstairs, Sophie asleep behind the curtain in her makeshift bed.

"We should move," Howl said, voice low, "and get Sophie a better room."

Calcifer said nothing. Howl's heart beat in the flames, slower than normal. Howl was exhausted.

Howl didn't move for some minutes or say anything else. Calcifer noticed how he would sometimes gaze where Sophie slept. He seemed to do that more and more. Gaze at Sophie, that is.

When Howl stood, it was with some mighty effort. "Make some hot water for my bath," he said, walking for the stairs. Or for Sophie's little bed.

"Wait, Howl," Calcifer said. Howl stopped in his tracks, barely turning.

Calcifer would have taken a breath, if he needed such a thing. Howl's heart in the hearth beat a little faster.

"Are you in love with Sophie?" he asked, out of the blue.

It was something Calcifer had wondered for a while, something he noticed while watching the two on the days Howl spent at home.

Howl turned to him completely. "Why would you say that." It sounded more like an accusation than a question.

Calcifer looked over the logs, to look Howl in the eye. "Because I have your heart, Howl. You don't feel the effects, but I do. It beats a little faster when she smiles at you, and sinks when she's sad. It has a pit in it when her face is covered in wrinkles and aches when you're not around her. And the feeling when her face fades into something beautiful and the wrinkles almost disappear... its indescribable, really." Calcifer felt lighter himself, confessing so much to Howl. Had he known that was part of the bargain? That his heart still reacted as if it were still part of him?

"You humans feel emotion in the strangest ways," Calcifer added after a moment.

The air was still around them, the only sound being Sophie's soft snoring and the crackle of the hearth. Even the constantly groaning castle gears seemed to be silent, waiting for an answer. Howl said nothing for a long moment, but Calcifer wasn't afraid. Or that's what he told himself, that is. Demons don't get scared. But demons with hearts might...

Then Howl let out a long, releasing sigh, as if he'd been holding it for years. Like he deflates, and for a moment he looks human. Tired and vulnerable and in love. "I suppose there is no use in hiding it from you now." He looks to the curtain again, and this time walks over and peeks through. Sophie lays there, in her young body, with her brown hair. Calcifer can't see her, but he can imagine what she looks like. And he can feel the way Howl's heart aches for her. Aches for her to be happy, and safe, and free of this stupid curse she's under. This curse she's under because of him. Is that why there's a hint of guilt laced with each beat?

"She's the one we've been searching for, isn't she?" Howl asks softly.

"She is," Calcifer confirms. He saw her that night Howl saved him from falling. He saw her before she fell through the ground. "She said she can help us."

"The strange part is... I don't want her to help us. I don't want her to get involved in our mess. It could put her in danger."

Calcifer understands. He's come to love Sophie, too. Well, as much as a demon can love a person. She's a wonderful girl, kind, generous, and friendly, even to a demon. But the bargain must be undone. In the end, it could destroy them both.

"It's up to her," is all Calcifer can say to assure Howl. Howl knew it was up to her. That's why he allowed her to stay or go if she wished, to figure out her feelings for herself, and if she wanted to help them. "But I think she already holds your heart. It's why I can't say no to her. Its like you're one in the same." Oh, the first time she tried to cook over him, he was so confused because he simply could not refuse her .

Howl huffs a small laugh. "Perhaps soulmates do exist. What an outrageous thought that is for a man that eats hearts." Calcifer has to smile a little at that, and at the reaction Howl's heart has to such a thought. Howl sighs again, closing the curtain. "We've been searching for years, yet I never imagined it would be like this."

"Like what?" Calcifer asks.

"This hard to love without a heart."   

GAHHHHHH I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. I LOVE THIS WHOLE PLOTLINE. I LOVE THESE CHARACTERS. HOWL COULD STEP ON ME AND I'D THANK HIM.