..Refuse Thy Name (A Paily/PLL Fanfic)

Chapter 4

The second Paige looked up and saw Spencer, she threw the small object underneath the duvet cover, trying to conceal the blood trickling into her hands. But Spencer had seen already. She ran out of the room, and Paige couldn't bring her heart rate down. This is the end, she thought. Spencer's going to tell her parents, they're going to think she's a freak, an idiot. They're going to send her to a mental institute, everyone will find out, her life will be over. Paige felt pathetic. Her first night here, and she'd already relapsed. She'd already screwed up.
But when Spencer came back in, Paige was shocked. She looked down as Spencer approached her, hands full of tissues.

"Here," Spencer whispered. "Please, let me just,"

She used some damp tissues to clean Paige's stomach, giving her some dry ones for her face. Paige was still shaking. As she dried her tears, more fell. She had been caught. Spencer was being nice. It was overwhelming and confusing, and she couldn't stop the tears.

"I'm sorry," was all she could squeak. "I- I promise, it won't happen again, but please don't tell anyone, please don't tell your parents! I- it wasn't supposed to-" Paige's voice was shaking and more tears were falling.

"Paige, it's okay, breathe," Spencer held her arm, taking exaggerated breaths for Paige to follow. "Look, I'm not going to tell anyone. I promise. We can talk about this in the morning, alright? You should get some sleep." Spencer picked up the makeup bag, tidying up the cosmetics, and taking the blade from the duvet. She placed the makeup bag beside the bed and took the tissues, heading for the door.

"Spencer." she turned around, to see Paige lying down, covers up to her neck. "Thank you."

"Of course," Spencer smiled. "Goodnight Paige."
--
The next morning, after Spencer had showered, Paige was still asleep. "Not an early riser I guess," Veronica commented as Spencer helped her make eggs. She went upstairs to comb out her wet hair and saw Paige emerge from her room.

"Morning," she said sheepishly. Spencer smiled in response, going into her room to comb. Paige followed.

"I forgot my comb. Could I please borrow yours? After you," Paige added. She seemed very reluctant, like she wanted to be anywhere else but that spot, asking Spencer for a comb.

"Here," Spencer passed her a spare from her drawer. "You can have this one"

"Thanks," Paige turned to leave.

"Wait, Paige"

She turned back.

"We need to talk about what happened last night," Spencer said softly.

Paige ran the comb through her hair quickly. "I know. But I'm really hungry. Could we maybe have breakfast first?"

But after going down to eat, Paige avoided Spencer like the plague, not making eye contact. Spencer went to her room.

"I have to shower, excuse me," she muttered. But Spencer stood in the doorway.

"Paige, we need to talk about what happened last night," she said softly.

Paige sighed. "I know."

Spencer shut the door. "Look, you know, there are people here you can talk to. If you don't want anyone to know, you can see the school counsellor. If you ask my parents, they'll let you see a therapist. But if you don't want any of that, at the very least, you can talk to me. I know you don't know me very well, and I'm not a professional or anything, but-" she paused. "I'm an alright listener. But seriously, people can help you."

Paige was silent, avoiding Spencer's eyes.

"Please say you'll at least think about it?" Spencer pleaded.

Paige nodded. "Okay. I'll think about it," she said quietly. Spencer smiled, it was a start.

"So, what do you want to do today?"

They realised that they'd be home alone for the day. They decided that because Paige didn't know anyone, Spencer should introduce her to her friends. Paige was slightly nervous, she knew she'd be seeing a them often, and wanted them to like her.

But making friends was difficult for Paige, because the last time she had become close to someone, it was all ruined. By Alison DiLaurentis.

She'd mocked her everything from her skin to her hair, called her harsh nicknames, but that wasn't even half of it. She once created a fake online profile, became close friends with Paige, and Paige had told her everything there was to know about her. She trusted "Vivian Darkbloom" more than anyone, because for once, Paige felt understood. But when Alison approached her in the bathroom and begun reading out conversations between them, it all clicked. How Vivian never judged her for anything, agreed with practically all of her views, and how she seemed to know a lot about the way America works - despite apparently living in London. It was a friendship too good to be true.

"I'm so happy you understand. Nobody else does, and sometimes it makes me really sad," Alison mocked, reading from her phone.

"Where did you get that, you bitch!" Paige reached for the phone, but Ali yanked it away.

"I'd watch the attitude if I were you. I mean, I wouldn't want to have to go to your dad, and show him this one. Yeah, this ones real nice. 'I know he's my father, and I love him of course, but sometimes I think I'd probably be happier if he wasn't alive to make me feel this way.' Imagine how much harder he'd slap you if he saw that," Alison whispered the last line. Paige felt like crying, but held herself together.

Paige was fuming just thinking about it. But she had to remind herself, that was all in the past. But it was difficult, she had problems with paranoia. She couldn't stop worrying, thinking that Alison would just show up in Rosewood and reveal all of her secrets. She had many.

"Paige?" Spencer snapped her out of her thoughts. "The girls are here."

Paige sat on the couch as Spencer poured popcorn into bowls, while the girls let themselves in.

"Hey Spence," said a voice. Paige wouldn't look, she focused on the quiet television. But the voice sounded sweet, really sweet. Like the speaker was smiling. A pretty blonde girl walked to the couch and smiled at Paige. Was she the one who spoke? The blonde girl looked from Paige to Spencer, to Paige, to Spencer, back and forth.

"You guys don't even look like twins! But I love your hair," she said, taking a lock of Paige's hair and examining it in her fingers.

"Do you know what fraternal means?" Spencer rolled her eyes at her. "Oh my god, you're being weird Hanna, stop making her uncomfortable"

But Paige was smirking. "It's fine. I'm Paige. It's nice to meet you,"

"Yeah, you too," Hanna said.

"Oh, Paige," Spencer called from the kitchen. "This is Emily," she jerked her head at the tall girl next to her, pouring juice into a glass. Emily's smile was pretty and friendly.

"Hey, nice to meet you. Want some orange juice?" And there was the voice. It made her feel less nervous, her being and sounding so nice. Paige subtly admired her shirt, a red plaid long-sleeved over a white tank singlet. It looked great on her.

"Yeah, thanks," Paige smiled. Emily and Spencer brought the snacks over to the coffee table. "Our other friend Aria will be here soon," Spencer said, putting a movie into the DVD player. Emily sunk into the couch beside Paige, Hanna beside Emily. Paige felt a little nervous still, being around them. They all seemed flawless, especially together. She was glad she had put on some powder and mascara earlier, because these girls were drop dead gorgeous. But they were also super nice. She didn't feel judged, she felt... happy. Like she could see herself being friends with these girls, even though she barely knew them. For the first time in weeks, she felt okay.

A/N: hope you liked this chapter! I'm sorry about the lack of updates and the weird timing. Please read the last thing if you haven't already, where I explained it. Anyway, the next chapter will be them all getting to know each other well, but omg. I'm trying to build suspense and a plot but I JUST WANT TO WRITE IN SOME PAILY FEELS ALREADY!! This is so hard. But we'll get there. Please leave some feedback with a vote or a comment, it really helps! Love ya, thanks for reading :D