Conflicted Feelings (An AsuShin fanfic)

Chapter 1: Unspoken Desires?

13.9.15

I woke up today, staring at the ceiling I've been familiar with for about a month now. God, being an Eva pilot sure isn't easy. And living with --

"Oh, Baka Shinji! Where are you?~"

-- Her isn't easy either. I grumble and groan.

"Asuka! I'm tryna sleep!"

"Well, excuse me Shinji, but I'm bored, hungry, and Misato isn't home!"

I blinked and got up, opening the shoji (Japanese sliding door) and looked to see Asuka right at my face. 

"W-Woah!" I got flustered and fell over.

"Hmph, Boys can't even see me for a second without swooning. How pathetic," she remarked, crossing her arms in half-contempt, half-satisfaction.

I got up off the floor and coughed. 

"Well, sorry! I didn't notice you were right there!"

"Maybe use your eyes for once, Dummkopf!"

That word. That stupid word: 'Dummkopf'. I swear I hear this word at least every other day. Apparently, it translates to 'dumbhead' or more naturally, 'idiot'. I wish I could just tell her to stop, but I don't have the confidence nor the resolve to do that. Plus, she is stubborn as all hell.

That being said, having an attractive girl your age living with you means feelings ought to come about, but they're conflicted. Really conflicted.

I sigh at her insult and just walk around her.

"What? Is the brave Shinji too afraid to confront a girl?!" She sneered.

"I'm gonna take a shower."

"Eeh?! Don't mention that gross business to me, perv!"

I groaned inwardly. There is no way I can even say anything without being labelled a wimp, a pervert, a nerd or an idiot. There's no winning with this woman.

"Sorry," I try to correct myself, "I'm going to the bathroom. Is that any better?"

I walked past Asuka, trying to ignore her jabs and sarcastic remarks. It wasn't easy living with her, that's for sure. We often clashed, but there were also those moments when I couldn't help but notice how vibrant and confident she was.

As much as I resent her for all her bullying... I do have to admire her resolve and determination. They are traits that I wish I had in myself. She never gives up, no matter the challenge. 

I found myself thinking, maybe there was more to her than met the eye. Perhaps her abrasive exterior was a defence mechanism, a way to protect herself in a world that demanded so much from us. Deep down, beneath the layers of bravado and sarcasm, there was a person with her own fears and vulnerabilities.

I shrugged it off and turned on the shower. Under the soothing cascade of hot water, I couldn't help but let my thoughts wander back to Asuka. It was as if the steam and warmth of the shower were washing away the tension and frustration of our daily interactions, leaving me with a sense of introspection.

Asuka's presence in my life was undeniable, and despite the constant clashes, there was something intriguing about her. I found myself pondering what made her tick, what drove her to be the way she was. 

I never met a non-Japanese before, honestly. Is she radiating the German mindset? Maybe Europeans are a lot more confident and brash than us Japanese...

"Hell if I know," I say aloud as I turn off the shower, dry myself and wrap my body around a towel.

I step out of the shower and open the door, an army of steam dissipating as I walk past. I see Asuka in the living room watching TV. She was specifically watching a football match. I do sometimes watch football, but it really confuses me. What is an offside?