The Agent's Temptation

15. Victims and Defense

Hotch went back into his safe space- the sheriff's office.
He grabbed the files off the desk and turned his back to the door, he wanted to pretend that he was doing work. He wanted others to still see him as the strong, level headed leader he was. Not the man falling apart on the inside when it came to a much younger woman-a young woman that was the victim of the case they were working on.

He felt terrible for thinking of you in any other way than just a person he had to help; but he felt even worse when he saw the fear in your eyes as you rushed away from him and out of the station. Your words about Reid had triggered a reaction out of him, he felt his hand and arm jerk with uncontrolled jealousy as he slammed the coffee pot into its place. For a moment his eyes had tunnel vision as he tried to control himself; but he snapped out of it when he saw you jump away from him in response.

Quickly, as he usually would with any victim, he noticed how your breathing changed, the shallow breaths you took, how your eyes widened with fear and your hands shook with panic. He could see your trauma flash before your eyes and noticed how your body was frigid and ready to run.

And you had, before he could say or do anything. For a moment he wanted to reach out for you, to hold you in his arms and apologize for scaring you. He wanted to tell you how sorry he was for letting his emotions take over and beg for your forgiveness. A very similar feeling he felt with Haley has resurfaced- the same inner conflict he had whenever he had to leave an important day in their lives for work. He felt guilty but knew it was out of his control.

Your trauma, your fear, it was all out of his control. He couldn't take it from you as much as he wished he could.
Hotch closed his eyes and took deep breaths, trying to will himself to forget the terrified look in your eyes. But instead, it took him back to when he first saw you. You were terrified, bloody and begging for help when you ran into the restaurant. The panic and desperation in your voice ran through his ears and he hated himself for having made you feel that way.

"Get it together Aaron," he whispered to himself, thankful that the sheriff had offered up his office to him and that the team liked working together while he preferred to think alone. And most importantly, right now, he needed the time and space to get your frightened face out of his mind. It was nothing new that he had been thinking of you nonstop, but now all he saw was your scared eyes and stiff posture. All because he had lost control over his emotions for a few seconds, he had gone through endless training for years, and had practically mastered, hiding his feelings for his own safety, yet he had a cracked in that moment in front of you.

There was a light knock on the door, and he looked over his shoulder to see Rossi standing there, observing him quietly with his dark brown eyes.  "Everything ok?" He asked.
"Yes," Hotch responded, pretending to have been lost in the files in his hands.
"You seem a bit...off this morning." Rossi continued.
Hotch didn't know how to respond. If there was anyone on the team that could read him as well as he read others, it was Rossi. His age and experience was silent at times but incredibly strong.
"I'm fine," Hotch finally decided on and stood up straight. He held up the files in his hand.

"JJ was able to get me some more information on the other victims." He said.
"We're ready to debrief, Morgan and Garcia dug some stuff up too." Rossi responded with a nod.
Hotch nodded too and turned to gather more papers but took the moment to take a deep breath. He had to go back to his normal self in front of the team, especially in front of Rossi. And Emily. They were both like hounds when it came to him... in the best way.

He made his way out and JJ stood in front of a large board with the 4 woman's pictures and yours in the center. It was the same picture he had seen when he had agreed to take the case, the one with your wide smile and bright eyes that he had been so intrigued by.

"Ok, so what do we know now?" Emily asked, making her way towards everyone, she had just come back in from outside and behind her, Hotch saw you scurry the opposite direction. He wanted to crane his neck to see your face but he held back from doing so.

"Garcia, you're on speaker baby girl," Morgan said out loud.
"Thank you sweets," she responded in her happy voice. " OK, so Derek and I did some digging on all of the women. And aside from their connection with jobs in some sort of caregiving roles, they actually have other parts in their lives that tie them together. But, it also makes them interesting choices for victims."
"What do you mean?" Reid asked, looking at the phone on the table curiously.

"Well , for example, Tania Corwin, the volleyball coach, not only did she coach volleyball, but she also took jiu-jitsu classes. She has been taking them for over two years now!" Garcia said quickly as she typed away. "And Florence Desley grew up in a military family. Her father and mother were in the Marines, her older brother works in forensics, and her younger sister is in ROTC."
Derek crossed his arms over his chest and he continued. " Both of those women have some sort of experience with self-defense. Either because they were taking the classes on the side or because they grew up in the family where safety was heavily focused on!"

"What about the other women?" Rossi asked.
"Ginny Young, the baby sitter, she recently applied for her bachelor's in Clinical Psychology, after volunteering at a psych ward. And Alice Runner recently took part in putting her abusive stepfather behind bars three years ago."
"You could say they're all fairly aware women." JJ said, looking at the pictures.
"What about Y/N?" Reid asked.

For a moment, Hotch felt a pang of jealousy in his chest again, but he swallowed it. He genuinely cared and respected, Reid, and he couldn't deny that he was curious about you too.
"She filed a restraining order against her ex-boyfriend 5 months ago," Emily said. "They were on and off again since college but it reached a point where she couldn't take it anymore. He hit her during an argument and she called the police immediately."

"So again, a young woman who's fairly aware of what abuse and danger looks like." JJ repeated, biting her lower lip.
"It just doesn't add up," Derek said. "This unsub, chose 5 women within the same age and profession, but of all races, body type, and ethnicity plus they all have experience with fighting abuse or know self defense. They're not easy targets."
"And let me just say that Tania Corwin looks bad ass," Garcia chipped in. "There's videos on her Instagram of her taking down men twice her size."

"I talked to Florence's parents and they taught her self defense at home along with other safety practices." JJ added. "It just doesn't make sense."
"Why would he pick women that all have either prepared to protect themselves or already have?" Reid questioned. "That would make them harder targets. It's not like he could lure them in easily."
"Well he didn't," Emily reminded him. "At least not with Y/N, he hit her in the head."
"And I doubt he decided to take Tania my hero head on." Garcia mumbled.

The team continued to discuss and share theories. They could understand the age choice, and even the career connection between the women, but not why the unsub would choose to target women that know how to defend themselves. They all conversed around the large table where they had gathered, but Hotch didn't say anything.

He went over to the board where all the pictures and maps were. He pretended to scan every piece of information, but his eyes continued to go back to your picture.

There was so much about you he didn't know, so much he wanted to ask you. He wanted to ask you what your ex-boyfriend had done to hurt you so bad, and a part of him, wanted to hurt him for having put his hands on you. There was so much that was a mystery, questions that couldn't be answered, and he knew that if he wanted to help protect you, and solve this case to keep you safe, he would have to control his emotions and be able to talk to you again.