Hers To Love

Chapter-1

The cool breeze that blew over the ocean played with my hair. It caressed my face like a lover, ruffled my top and tickled my bare feet. It was nowhere near quiet here. All around me, I heard the cacophony of automobiles, running fast and loudly towards their destinations. Piercing that great noise were the couples' musings. On either side of me sat lovers from all walks of life. I saw students, their backpacks lying by their side. Software employees gazing longingly into each other's eyes, the tiredness of the working day forgotten in the presence of their loved ones. There were newly married couples, easily recognizable by the many bangles the brides wore on their slender hands.

I smiled, watching all of them. I would have liked to say that there was no bitterness in that smile. That I was genuinely happy for these people who found love and companionship. But then I would be lying. I felt the absence of him like the absence of a limb. Without the scent of him haunting me, I didn't have the will to move from point A to point B. And at nights, my empty bed was hell. I could almost hear my veins singing a song of tragedy as they missed the way his touch made the blood thrum through them. God, I missed Arun. I felt pathetic admitting it to even myself. But it was the goddamn truth.

"Man, when will you stop acting like female Devdas?" Sudha asked as she sat beside me on Marine Drive. She held out the raspberry popsicle I loved in front of me.

"I am not Devdas," I said as I took the popsicle from her hands. "I never loved so I never failed in it."

"Tell that to your long face," Sudha said, putting a spoon of her butterscotch ice cream in her mouth. "When will you admit that you have feelings for Arun Sahu and you feel like a fool for letting in Ritu, that snake, between you and Arun?"

I had nothing to say to that. Just like always, Sudha nailed it. That was exactly how I was feeling. Snake. That was how Ritu looked like when she smiled at me before I got into the car. I didn't know what happened that day in Arun's flat. If he forgave her or not. But I did know that her intentions were less than pure and she was not as vulnerable as she led me to believe.

"Did Arun reply to any of your texts?" Sudha asked, nudging me with her shoulder.

"No, and he didn't return any of my calls," I said, shrugging. "He's still mad at me for letting in Ritu. Does that mean he hadn't forgiven her?"

"Could be," Sudha said, trying to bring my spirits up.

"Enough about Arun," I said finally, smiling at my best friend. "Tell me about your envious married life. I want to believe in true love."

I hooked my arm through hers and rested my head on her shoulder.

"I sometimes forget how dramatic you can be," Sudha said and rested her head on mine.

I sighed with peace as we sat there with just each other as companions. It reminded me of the days when we were both untethered. When Rahul and Arun were in the future, not bothering us. But still in this contentment, I missed him. I missed him to my bones.

***********

When I got back home, my mother was sitting in front of the TV, watching her favourite serial. She had her phone in one hand and the TV remote in another. When she heard me enter the living room, she looked at the wall clock and turned her face towards me.

"It's past eight. What are Sudha and you doing you this late out?" She asked with a look of disapproval on her face.

"Maa, I am almost twenty-four. I think it's a perfectly appropriate time for me to be out. No boogeyman is going to eat me."

"It's never safe for a woman to be out in the dark in cities like these. No matter how old she is."

"I'm sorry, okay. I am not in the mood for a lecture right now. I just cleared my head." I said, sitting beside her on the sofa. I snatched the remote from her hand and changed the channel to news, knowing it would irk her.

"Why are you being so snappy these past two weeks?" My mother asked, snatching the remote back and changing the channel back to her serial. "You have not been this irritating since you were a teenager and preparing for your engineering entrance."

She shuddered as she remembered those days. Bringing me endless cups of coffee as I locked myself in the bedroom surrounded by tomes that I thought would guarantee my way to a bright future. She would shudder even more if she knew the real reason her daughter was snappy all the time. I didn't think she would like to hear that my fuck buddy was angry with me and that was the reason I was not myself. Oh boy, she definitely wouldn't like it.

"It's just I am anxious about the exam results you know. MBA had been tough for me since I was not from a commerce background. I am doing fine now but I am still nervous about how I did in the actual examination."

"Oh my poor dear, come here," My mother pulled me into her arms and patted my head. No matter how strict she was, she was also really free with physical affection. She would never hesitate to cuddle and hug me when I needed it. I was surprised to find out in school that this was not the norm in most households. I let myself relax in her embrace. When I thought I was doing better for the first time since Arun closed his door, my mother dropped a bomb on me.

"Seema called earlier."

"Aha," I said.

My ears were on high alert and goosebumps rose on my skin. When Seema Aunty called, there would be definitely news of Arun. During the five years Arun was abroad, it was through Seema Aunty and my mother that I knew all about him. Then, it was annoying for me to hear about the golden Sahu boy, but now I wanted nothing more.

She wouldn't usually know anything of importance but still, I didn't mind even the scraps. I knew I was desperate but there was nothing I could do about it.

"She is in Sydney and is having the time of her life. She says she is feeling twenty years younger. That must feel good."

"Hmm..." I said, waiting for her to continue.

"But I don't think it's just Sydney that made her so happy. I think it's the other news she shared with me."

I lifted my head from her shoulder and stared suspiciously at her happy face. If Seema Aunty and my mother were so excited about this "news", it couldn't be good.

"Go on," I said.

"It seems like our Arun and Ritu are back. It seems like we travelled back in time for five years."

Yes, the time when Arun and I hated each other and I wouldn't even dream of touching him. The time when he belonged truly to Ritu and she to him. I wouldn't want to turn back to that time.

"Why does she think they are back?" I asked, trying my best to be nonchalant.

"Ritu called her and apparently she visited his flat and had a heart-to-heart conversation with Arun. He seems to have forgiven her and Ritu is positive that there is a good chance of reconciliation. She said that they have a date this weekend. Seema said that Arun didn't even let anyone mention Ritu's name in his presence. Now, if he agreed to go on a date with her that must mean he is feeling something for her."

"Great analysis, Maa," I drawled sulkily.

"I wish it would happen," my mother gushed, unaware of the smoke coming out of her daughter's ears. "It's been so long since a good wedding. Of course, we can have a wedding in our own home if you say yes."

"No," I snarled and got up. Good luck to my mom to find a bridegroom who didn't mind that his wife was not a virgin. As my mother continued staring at my back confused, I went into my room and closed the door quietly. I didn't dare slam it because then my mother would wrench it open, turn my room into a storeroom and kick me out into the living room.

I sat on my bed, fuming. For the past two weeks- my first vacation in six months- I did nothing but think of Arun and how I hurt him. Even my parents, Sudha and much loved Mumbai couldn't make me feel any less guilty. All this while, Arun had not only forgiven his ex-girlfriend but was also rekindling his romance.

I made a decision then and there. Falling in love or not, if Arun didn't care about my feelings, I wouldn't too. If he wanted to start back at square one, want to get back to treating me like dirt again, I was up for it too. He was back at the number one position on my enemies list.