✶ destruction, resolution ✶

★ three ★

When Akutagawa awoke again, it was to the pleasant smell of jasmine tea, heavy and medicinal but still calming. Pulling himself up and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he blinked to see Gin sitting across from him with two steaming cups in her hands, her hair pulled back into a messy ponytail he rarely ever saw on her. "It's time to talk, remember?" she reminded.

He didn't say anything as he reached hesitantly for the tea, which she granted him. Coughing lightly, he winced at the sting deep in his chest. "There's nothing to talk about," he muttered.

She hummed lightly before gesturing vaguely to his right hand. "Are you sure it isn't about that?" she said bluntly, and he looked down at where she was pointing before his heart clenched.

Riddled with scabs and inflammation from his nails, the mark on his hand from two days ago still hadn't faded, absurdly strong. He remembered when it showed up, when Atsushi slipped his hand into Akutagawa's to yank him behind him as they sprinted away from a building about to collapse. The touch had been both casual and distant at the same time, enough to make Akutagawa's head spin as he tried to process how it sent sparks under his skin.

He instinctively curled his hand around it, concealing it from view. "It's not," he mumbled, and she just stared at him, waiting. Neither of the siblings were of many words, as they could level a building with a silent glance, but both were stubbornly patient when it came to pulling information out of the other.

Eventually, Gin ceded to his silence, setting down her tea beside her. "You know you can talk with me," she led. He didn't meet her eye. "I know that something's been off with you for a couple months and I didn't want to press, but now that we're here-" she gestured toward him in emphasis- "I figured I'd just ask point-blank."

He shut his eyes, weariness pulling at him, trying to think of how he could possibly word any of the turmoil in his chest, but fell flat.

"You don't have to tell me who it is, but-"

"I think that Fate did something wrong," he blurted instead, surprising both himself as well as Gin, and he knit his eyebrows as he processed his own words.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

He just shook his head with a sigh. "Why would it give someone like me a soulmate when it defeats my purpose of existence?" he said, and it felt like he was listening to a warped recording of himself through how his head swam. "It's all just so confusing."

"I'm not sure I quite follow," she said slowly.

Drawing a knee up, he rested his chin on it before talking, wishing desperately that the room would stop spinning. "Everytime I have to deal with him it just makes me feel ill," he said sharply, shutting his eyes. "I've seen how soulmate bonds are supposed to function, but it seems like it's only a hindrance to me, a plague." Akutagawa knew that she'd caught the bitter 'him', hearing her shift suddenly, but blearily kept talking. "It's been pulling me from my duties for too long, making me unsettled and just consumed by the need to chase whatever I feel, as absurd as it is."

"Ryuunosuke," she cut in, and he cracked open an eye, "what do you mean by a 'hindrance'?"

He huffed out a sigh. "I'm not to kill anyone for six months, which means I have to rework the entirety of my assignments," he explained. "In addition, I've been second-guessing any thought I have because they're all so saturated in emotion because of the bond that it's clouding my judgment."

She tilted her head curiously. "I've noticed that you've dialed back the violence," she started, earning a scowl, "but it's been better for you, as we've gotten so much more information when needed, and you've worked on other skills."