The Wanderer

The Story

After several miscarriages Kays' mom was able to carry Kay, when she was born everything was peaceful. When she was two her little brother was born, he was born with a disability but he was strong. She was turning 6 her family took her to chuck E cheese's for her birthday party, tons of kids were there for it. She played tons of games and even won a glow in the dark sun catcher set; she absolutely adored it, but she got it on her hello kitty shirt. When she was able to do stuff by herself she started helping her dad with the paper route, delivering papers to different businesses.

At first she liked the extra time with her dad, but as she got older her dad started to yell more often sometimes louder than others. On the paper route one day she got her phone activated, she could call people now! But that only made her relationship with her parents even more rocky. Her cousin started to touch her and she didn't know how wrong that was so she did it back. He convinced her to let him touch her and she didn't know any better so she let him. Until one day she was on the Internet and found out what incest is and how disgusting it is, so she told him to f off and not to do it again.

Of course he still tried to do it and by this time he 100% knew what he was doing. At one point she threatened to stab him; that got him to stop. She told her friend whom she met in fifth grade and she blew up at him. Also in fifth grade Kay and her best friend got together and it was like heaven but then it started to get toxic so Kay ended things, but they were still friends afterwards. In fourth grade Kay started to compare herself to others, but by sixth grade it started to get worse she looked up different ways to lose weight.

By seventh grade she was playing games 24/7 because of being home all the time, so she forgot to eat most days. By eighth grade she knew what an eating disorder was but she didn't have one. Her mental health wasn't doing the best and she started to cut to try to release the stress that had built up. One night her dad made her really angry and she wanted to sit in the hall to calm down, but as she was trying to calm down a little voice in the back of her head told her to 'kill him' but she did not give in to those words. She went to sleep crying and praying for him to die so she wouldn't have to see him ever again or hear his voice.

He passed away that year from liver failure, much to Kay's relief. A year before her dad died her grandma died, she was really close to her grandma she would've told her anything. Going into ninth grade she was really anxious but was settling in well. That was until she couldn't get herself up in the mornings and when she did she would have panic attacks, so her mom and therapist decided to homebound her. She tried to keep up and she did a pretty good job with that except she was more focused on starving herself and eating as little as possible.

She's developing an eating disorder, and her sh has been getting worse until one day when she's getting her blood drawn and her mom sees her scars. 'shit' she thought when her mom started asking questions about them; her mom got really emotional when she started to talk about why she did it. She couldn't believe her little girl would do that to herself. But she thought that losing blood would help her lose weight; it didn't. Before you know it, summers here and she's gotten diagnosed with adhd, anxiety, and depression.

She finally knows why she can't focus in class but she can't seem to get herself to take the medication that will help so she tries to lower her anxiety and depression to a more manageable level to help her focus. During summer she continuously sees her therapist to try and help her but she can't seem to get anything off her chest, gradually it gets better though.

She keeps starving herself but now she's monitoring her weight more frequently; she's lost 35lbs since starting. She feels proud but still has a long way to go. Now going into tenth grade she's deeper into her eating disorder than ever before. She wants to rip her flesh off her bones then, then maybe she would be happy. She got back with her best friend, it's going smoothly. There are fights but they know how to communicate now. Kay is currently laying in bed at 1:35 am writing this story; the story of her life as she has no idea what's going on anymore.
Only replaying past memories and letting everything else around her burn.