life sucks

away

Regulus planned to change his life in just a few hours. He felt numb just thinking about it, as if his life had no real meaning anymore. Every moment of his life, Regulus has been trying to gain his parents' acceptance. He wanted to prove that he was his own person and not just a substitute for his brother's failures.

Narcissa, his cousin, often told him that he couldn't change what had already been done. She, too, was a flaw in her family's eyes. She was the youngest daughter, not the son. Her family wanted her to be the male heir to the Black family fortune. She was nothing more than a reminder of her parents failure, but she had grown to see past that.

She knew they would only see her for what they wanted—a dumb girl they were going to marry off. Regulus never saw her that way. He saw her for who she was. However, this didn't change the fact that he was expected to fulfill the role she would have had if she were a boy now that his brother was gone.

He knew there was nothing he could do to change his family because nothing changed when his brother left, so what change could he make while he was here rotting in Grimmauld Palace?

He's always been obsessed with being successful in his parents' eyes, something his brother never was, but despite his brother's wrongs, his parents always seem to favor Sirius, the brightest star in the sky, and Regulus, a mere sparkle in comparison. Not even his brother saw him for who he was.

After Sirius was put in Gryffindor, they gave up on him. They used the cruciatic curse on Sirius so many times that his older brother could barely walk straight. Not once did Regulus blame his brother for being put in Gryffindor or even ask how or why he simply wasn't interested; he didn't care. What's wrong with Sirius enjoying his life as long as he's happy?

Regulus won't ever forget the look on Sirius's face when he was put in Slytherin; it was like the first time Regulus made their parents proud. and it made Sirius want to throw up. In Sirius's eyes, Regulus was no different than their parents; now there are many more similarities than differences.

Why is it that Slytherins are automatically labeled as bad? was one of the many thoughts he had. After he was put in Slytherin, Sirius stopped treating him like a brother. Regulus was officially replaced long before that, though, the moment his brother met James Potter.

Regulus's obsession with pleasing his parents faded away. He no longer felt the need to seek their approval, but at the same time, he was numb as his purpose in life was gone; he didn't know what to do with himself anymore. He never had much drive for anything other than pleasing his parents to begin with; he was good at just about everything he tried. There weren't any more challenges in his life.

That was until his brother ran away, but Regulus still remembers it like yesterday. Their mother hadn't been happy with Sirius's grades at the time, and she ran out of things to show off about him. Sirius was always lazy with his grades and anything school-related, so Regulus didn't think this was anything to worry about. They would often yell back and forth for hours. But something was different this time.

This didn't seem to be a simple argument anymore, and with the way Sirius was arguing back, it was likely their mother would kill Sirius, but there was nothing Regulus could do unless he wanted to be killed alongside his brother.

So he sat with his back against the door and cried. He listened to the screams downstairs. It was likely his brother was on the floor bleeding, but Regulus couldn't see. He was a coward—at least that's what his brother called him; he didn't have it in him to go downstairs. When he heard no more screaming, he opened his door.

It wasn't long after that that he heard his brother rifling through his belongings, packing for something. He stood in his brother's doorway, waiting for any kind of clue as to what his brother was doing.