Die kleine Geschichtensammlung

Saddys Diary

Dear diary

I'm at a lake in my favourite park right now, it should be about 8 o'clock by now and dusk is already starting to fall. The last weeks have been so bad, I would like to tell you about Mr. Black but also Kevin. I'm writing to you because so much has happened and my head is on a merry-go-round. But at the same time it's as empty as it's ever been. Because like every time I take a step towards happiness everything collapses and throws me back into the cold loveless reality. But it's best to start from the beginning.

A few weeks ago, me and Kevin meet my old geography teacher Mr. Black. We told him about our situation and he allowed us to meet secretly at his house. At that moment I was happier than I had been in a long time. Then I lost my job and Mr. Black offered me to work for him. It was a hard time but I really had hope that things would get better... how wrong I was. It was on a Tuesday, I was supposed to meet Kevin again at Mr. Black's house, when I saw the flames and smoke from far away. This was of course not an uncommon sight in these times but it is not something you can get used to. I felt uneasiness rising in me in that direction was Mr. Black's house. My steps quickened and with each step the fear grew in me. By now I had started to run and was turning into the street of fire. I froze for a moment, the house where I had had so many good times in the last few weeks was ablaze. I saw paramedics driving away a stretcher with a black bag on it. I sank to my knees, I didn't know exactly when it started, but I noticed that my face was getting wetter and I was crying. After that day I was hit hard, I think I only got through it because Kevin was by my side. He was like an anchor, I could always rely on him and he was the only one who made sure I didn't give up. We found out a few days later that a bomb had been thrown at Mr Black's house because he had hidden us. We decided to keep quiet about this matter because knowledge is dangerous. Those who know too much are silenced forever. We met a week later in the park. It was a beautiful day, almost too beautiful that one could almost forget all the sorrow. It was actually like always, but somehow also not. There was something strange in the air that neither of us wanted to talk about. Finally he stopped and looked me in the eye and said he was leaving. From that moment on I only remember what he said in a blurred way. Kevin spoke slowly and sensitively to me and I could hear the pain, desperation and helplessness in his voice. Dazed, I asked when he was leaving. He said next week and something inside me broke. Kevin would leave next week and leave home forever. Leaving me. Kevin had left and I was standing alone in front of a lake in the park, staring at the motionless and perfect surface of the water. It was in perfect unison without any disturbance. Suddenly I heard a plopping sound and the idyll of the water surface was destroyed by small spreading waves. More and more drops of water came from the sky and the water became more and more agitated. Why couldn't the surface of the water stay as it was? Why did the rain have to destroy it and leave nothing of its former beauty? It could have been a perfect little dream, but the problem with dreams is that they eventually end and we have to face reality again. Only would it be so bad to be able to live this little fantasy a little longer? I'm sitting under a tree next to the lake right now and writing in my dear diary, a few drops fall down on your pages from time to time and make you unreadable. Maybe it's time to let go of the past and look forward? Even as a little girl I believed in divine providence and thought that everything, even the most terrible things, had a good meaning. And that there was a plan that would put everything in order. But how could I ever believe that everything what I know has to do with violence and what I love has hurt me. I don't want to accept that this is God's way for me. Maybe I should also take it as a chance, everything that kept me here is gone and I can finally find peace. But it still hurts because the versions of a happy future with Kevin just won't go away and mock me in my lonely place. Looking back, love is to blame for this situation, I shouldn't have fallen in love. Love is paradise, but it's also hell. Once you lose it, it's hard to find it again. But what's the point of mourning the lost love, maybe I should start again and finish with the past. The past will never leave me and draw a scar on my soul, but shouldn't I do what I really want for once and follow the remains of my broken heart? My dear diary, I can now only read you with great difficulty. It won't be long before the rain has destroyed you too, just like the surface of the water. You the last piece of my happy self. But all I do is whine to myself, but what good has it done? Maybe I really should start a new life, deep inside I knew that I could never live my current life like this for long. I should have admitted it to myself sooner, if I was already thinking of leaving the world altogether, why had I even thought of it. It might be the easiest way, but is it really the way I would be happiest? Wouldn't I regret letting Kevin go alone? Maybe this was the path I was meant to take, to find a new home where I could be happy. Where we could be happy. Far away from everything that burdened us. I think at this point I should say goodbye dear friend, with you my old life will also end and a new happy one will begin.

Thank you for everything my dear diary

Your Saddy.