Rising

Chapter 14

I found myself in a dense forest, full of rocks and streams, it was pitch black night. I could hear owls and cicadas singing as usual. I looked up at the sky, but I could see little or nothing, it was covered by thick undergrowth that prevented me from seeing what lay beyond the green leaves resting on the branches. Not seeing the shining moon gave me a strange, almost empty feeling. I couldn't imagine a night without it at that moment, nor did I understand its significance as darkness pressed down on me, and I was forced to summon the sun to see clearly. I wondered if I was in the wrong place, and Deimos was right. I didn't recognize anything about this place; it didn't belong to me. I sat on a rock, waiting, hoping something would happen. I was about to experience one of who knows how many of my lives, I was about to meet a version of myself that I wasn't, and I hadn't read about. I remained studying the forest for several minutes. The scent of moss didn't bother me, although the yellow eyes that often peeked from the trees unnerved me. I heard footsteps; someone was running in my direction: a boy and a girl were moving quickly in the darkness, holding only a small torch. Something inside me suggested that they were the answer I was looking for, the story I had written but not experienced firsthand or read about. I decided to follow them, trailing them for a few meters until I lost sight of them. Screams tore through the heavy air of that lightless night."Please, hold on!" pleaded the boy.I approached to get a better look at the scene, still unable to focus on it entirely. The boy was bent over a fairly deep hole, trying to support the weight of the girl who had fallen into it. She clung to him, trying to hold on with all her strength in her slender arms."Let me go!" she cried. "You won't be able to save me, you know!"The boy tried to pull her up despite her protests. Her body was slender and seemed malnourished, and all his attempts were in vain. I felt tempted to help them, but I decided it wasn't necessary to intervene in such a distant past where there were no lights, and I should just be a spectator of that macabre scene. The girl's sweaty hand was slipping slowly from her contemporary's grip until, with a groan followed by a dull thud, she fell into the hole."No!" he cried out in despair, diving in after her. I thought he was a fool, and his action was entirely unwarranted. He couldn't help her from inside the hole at least. I wondered how far we were from the city, but certainly quite far since I couldn't see anything beyond the trees, bushes, and grass. There was no sign of life other than the animal and plant variety. I spread my wings and followed them down without further delay. The hole was deeper than it appeared from the outside, and when I finally glided gracefully to the ground, the two strangers were locked in an embrace that seemed familiar to me. Her ankle was injured, and she continued to sob in fear. I decided to observe them more closely. Both wore worn and dirty clothes; they must have been very poor or simply living in a much earlier time to justify such attire. They were around fifteen years old and barefoot. He had thick black hair and gray eyes that shone in the night. There was something on his rough, oily face that I recognized as if it had always belonged to me, but I didn't understand why. Her red hair was dirty and unkempt, and she was delicate and thin, short. She seemed more fragile than a glass object and lighter than a leaf. I thought a gust of wind could carry her away. Her knee-length skirt was torn and stained, just like her hands, full of wounds, and her nails were black."We're going to die!" she sobbed, and he released the embrace, laying her back against the wall of the hole. Then he assumed the same position, bringing a hand to his temple and rubbing it, just as... just as Deimos used to do! He was a part of Deimos."It doesn't matter," he finally said calmly, although his face told a different story. They must have been hard workers despite their young age. The calluses and wounds on their bodies suggested they lived in the countryside and worked as farmers."Why did you follow me, Jace? You always hated me, I thought you would be glad to get rid of me..." she pressed, not taking her eyes off her damaged hands. Her emerald green eyes were unmistakable to me; she was me. I saw myself in her because of her anxious and frantic ways, but mostly because, in a moment like that, she was still obsessed with understanding why Jace didn't reciprocate her obvious feelings."Why are you always so obtuse?" he scolded her sharply, shaking his head. Our names were different, and I could broadly recognize some things, but many others seemed unfamiliar to me. "They accused you of heresy! You claimed to have the power of the sun, but you're just a peasant. Had you gone mad, you little fool? Do you know how much trouble you've caused for my uncles and me?" he shouted rudely, not at all like my Deimos. Surely the Deimos of the present would have found a more elegant and wicked way to throw my mistakes and madness in my face. Jace was incredibly direct and emotional. I could only compare the present to the past, looking for similarities and differences, but I still didn't understand what I was supposed to see in that forgotten place. I had sensed that we were cousins, which I found incredible and intriguing; familial relationships had always been forbidden in Lys."No! And you know why you saw the moon; it kissed you!" she accused, tears in her eyes, expressing her anger at being called crazy. She was much more sensitive than me, or perhaps she was simply in love and hurt."I'm sorry," Jace apologized sincerely. "The thing is, I'm a stupid liar. I saw it, I saw everything, but I was scared.""Why are you here?" she sighed amid her tears."I'd rather not live anymore than live a life without you," he recited the whole sentence in one breath, and even though I couldn't see anything, I could sense the sparks in his eyes and the blush filling his cheeks. He approached her, taking her in his arms, cradling her gently and warmly."Don't tease me!" this time it was her shouting as she tried to push him away, not entirely convinced. "You've always made fun of me and mistreated me! That time when we were twelve, when Mr. Mordet's son wanted to marry me, you kissed me in front of him, making me impure, and the whole town spoke ill of me behind my back, repudiating me and treating me like a harlot until today! No boy ever looked at me again. You admitted it was just one of your stupid pranks that cost me my reputation and marriage, and mom and dad were furious... and so was I!""You're the same stubborn fool," he scolded her. "I've always loved you, but did you really think our families would accept our union?" he burst out, silencing her. "I had to keep you away to avoid temptation and be rude; it was the only way I knew to build a wall between us. I didn't want you to fall in love with me and suffer. But then that man appeared, and the thought of you in his arms took away my sleep and appetite. Just thinking about it made me sick!"So jealous and possessive, just like my present-day Deimos. He kissed her forehead until she weakly took his face in her hands and kissed him gently. I felt like an intruder, peeking into someone else's life as if it were a tragic movie."I really thought that by running away, I would save you, so we could start a new life where no one knew anything about us... just you and me," he began to cry, and I couldn't blame him. Undoubtedly, the end was near, and he had done everything to prevent Nou from suffering, but he couldn't rationalize his feelings. They remained embraced for a while until both collapsed into a deep sleep.They spent two days whispering all the words of love they hadn't said in those years. They tried to fight the absence of food and water and all the pains caused by the fall, but on the evening of the third day, they extinguished, and I returned to the present. They had died as soon as we had reunited; what a cruel fate! Tears streaked my face, and I thought that, despite being a general in the army, I wasn't any less emotional than her. When I found myself back in the study, Deimos looked at me worried and embraced me just like Jace had done with Nou. My heart was shaken by violent pains, as if someone were thrusting sharp daggers into it one by one with impressive slowness, making sure the first one hurt more than the next."We died after confessing our feelings!" I whispered. He held me tighter, sighing; he knew it. Would all our lives be like this? Would reuniting lead us to painful and tragic deaths? But why?"I consoled myself by saying that those weren't the right moments for our love," he tried to comfort me as if he had read my thoughts. I curled up against his chest and remained helpless for a few minutes until his analog tabletop clock chimed, and I realized I was running late. I kissed him passionately and with desire; I had missed him and wanted to show him how foolish and complex we were. What separated us was everything and nothing, because our biggest gap was represented by ourselves."I have to go," I whispered, and he reluctantly let go of me, kissing my forehead. I left the study calmly, and once I closed the door behind me, I started running up the stairs to reach Cassiel's room. Seeing myself die was the last thing I expected to see that night. I didn't know, in all my half-formed past lives, what other cruel fate had befallen me to reach my final form. I hoped not all my ends were painful and cruel, full of agony like Nou and Jace's. Watching the life leave their eyes had seemed too high a price to pay for their love. I had always known that my relationship with Deimos was tormented and delicate, fragile like my troubled soul at that moment, but I didn't expect it to be to such an extent. Had their loved ones suffered? Maybe they had deluded themselves, saying that their children had flown away in search of a better life in another part of Lys. How much later would it cost them to see the skeletons of their children, brothers, cousins... loved ones? I shouldn't let myself be affected, I had promised myself, but it was impossible to forget for me. Cassiel was sitting on his bed, waiting for me with his book in hand. He seemed relieved when he saw me."Here I am!" I said, taking a seat beside him. He smiled at me happily, and I felt the sadness I had just experienced wash away."You're three days late, but I forgive you! Jan explained that you were in the past."I had been gone for three days? Everything had remained unchanged since I left the palace."Come on, let's go!" he urged, distracting me from my thoughts. I opened the book at the beginning, where a figure of the sun and the moon embracing each other was meticulously drawn."Let's start!" I said, trying to mask the emptiness in my chest with cheerfulness, so I began to read. "The sun lived alone in its palace in the sky, supported by the clouds. Every morning, the sun would wake up and mount its chariot, pulled by fantastic white winged horses. It circled the planet to bring joy to its inhabitants with its light and encourage them to worship it. At night, when the sun rested, only the stars shone in the darkness."I paused, looking at the figure of the red-haired man, incredibly similar to the Sun I had known, depicted as he pulled his large, extravagant chariot. Cassiel listened to me calmly, and I thought he would soon fall asleep since his eyes were red, and he looked tired."That day, the Sun woke up as usual, illuminating fields, houses, valleys, and meadows with its laughter. But something in a forest caught its attention: a woman with long, almost white hair, danced gracefully among the trees, singing a sweet hymn dedicated to him. He couldn't help but watch her, unable to take his eyes off her and his ears off the melodious music the woman sang."I turned to Cassiel again, who was sleeping peacefully. I got up, trying not to wake him, dropped the book on the nightstand, and tucked him in, kissing his forehead.