Let's Find Home

Let's Find Home

Hi Emu Otori.

It's been one year since you died. And that's how long it's taken me to write this. I'd start it, write a few words, then find myself pausing over the paper, hands and fingers frigid in place. I could never say it. Never in the way I wanted to or the way I wanted you to want me to. So no, the mailing service isn't delayed.

That was funny right? That would've made you laugh, huh? You haunt me, I swear you do. I can hear you snicker every time I say something even remotely humorous. You laugh, I swear you do. I wish you'd still tell me in person though.

Well that's not what I came here to write about, and honestly, I don't know what I came here to write about. Your death just left me so confused, unknowing, unfulfilled. I know it's a little too late to be writing to you, but I started it and I'm going to finish it, okay?

It was June 23rd of last year. Summer was warm, humid, rainy and nearly drowningly so in the process. I hate summer for that reason. So wet and warm and stuffy, you forget to breathe. Some days I forgot to bring my umbrella. I'd let out a long, struggling:

"Damnit..."

"What's wrong Nene-chan?"

You'd appear, seemingly out of nowhere, offering out your hand. Your school was 20 minutes away, yet the moment that bell rang, you'd come wandering over to Kamiyama High to see if I had brought my umbrella or not. It was always a gamble.

"Did you forget your umbrella today too, Nene?"

"No, I have it today."

You'd sigh sadly as if my umbrella was stopping you from walking with me.

"Can I still walk with you, pleaaase?"

"Fine."

And then you'd rush giddily to my side. I wouldn't show it, but I would smile.

But June 23rd was different that day, because not only were you not at Kamiyama's front gate, but you were nowhere to be seen in general. Otori Emu died that day. She died before she even died because I went erratic, searching for any trace of you. I ran towards Miyamasuzaka Girl's High after 10 minutes of pondering and stalling. I still wonder if those 10 were subtracted, if you could still be saved. Nobody knew where you were. Nobody cared where you were. You died, Emu. I'm sorry but you died.

"Rui, Rui please. Stop laughing, this...this isn't funny!" My words were hoarse, curressed by the sweet sounds of panic and drowned by the showers of storm.

"Don't worry Nene. I'm sure Emu's fine, she's probably just at home, sick or something," Rui assured through the phone. "Do you have your umbrella with you? I can go fetch you one if you need me to--"

"--No I don't!" I hung up and grumbled to myself, nearly hurling the phone in the process. No, I didn't have my umbrella with me, and I didn't want anyone other than you delivering me one.

I sometimes wish I could go back to Rui and apologize, because that was the last Rui ever talked to me. The me before I lost the you.

But alas, the course of summer rain only remained persistent. I'd continue searching the streets that afternoon, weighed by the weakness of my hair and heavied by the strangle of your name on my throat.

"Emu?" I shouted into a quiet, lowly alleyway. Yet you weren't there.

Nene - [3:28 PM] Where are you Emu?