𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒 𝐃𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐋 | lady lesso

twenty four

"You're certain everything is ready?" I ask for what must be the thirteenth time in the last hour. Clarissa looks at me with a smile and continues to add the golden eyeshadow to her eyelids. Although it's been years since I attended, her colour palette remains the same.

"Y/N, as much as I love you, you're really not making this any easier for the both of us." Zylia comments, checking her suit looks okay in the full length mirror behind me. "Are you sure this suits me?" She asks.

Anemone groans. "Gosh, you are both as bad as each other." A few chuckles and smiles crack on the women's faces.

"You look like you're hanging on by a thread." Lesso's voice calls as she waltzes in, hair done but face left plain, not even a spot of makeup. Her body freezes as she admires my figure, seemingly surprised by the change in my attire. Unfortunately, she dismisses her emotions quickly and sits down next to Dovey, colour pallete contrasting her co-workers completely.

"I'm glad you're just as joyous as the rest of us Leonora." I comment, taking in her attire. The familiar raven black suit that I spent hours plaguing over, the finest details. Her eyes meet mine in the reflection, familiar black engulfing her ocean eyes. I turn away and tend to my sister who stands in her light purple suit, panicing over the very things I spent perfecting.

"Zylia for the last time." I say as she picks herself apart in the mirror, "The suit is tailor made by me. We checked your measurements, twice. You look gorgeous, please stop stressing." I sigh, adjusting her collar and unbuttoning the top two buttons of her shirt.

"We got this?"

"Yes." I smile. Her eyes close and she lets out a sigh of relief. I sit her down and she starts on her hair, curling it to perfection. Locks of hair fall as she continues her process and I run through the ceremony again. All we have to do is a simple introduction, something I have no reason to be nervous about. Something I've done many times before.

I walk out of the main area and into the walk on closet that now houses both ever and never clothes, more than just pinks and black. Deep blue, forest green, fiery reds and rich purples adorn the hangers. Shoes are lined up along the walls, accompanied by tiaras and hats. I smile at the inclusiveness.

Walking over to the full length mirror I take in the long sleek dress I chose. It's off the shoulder, except for the two straps there for extra support. I close my eyes and sit on the plush bench, head in my hands. The door closes with a soft click and cold hands brush over my shoulders. I lift my head to see her beckoning me to stand. I do as I'm asked, as if she still has authority over me.

She stands behind me, black suit complimenting my own attire. Her hands fall to my waist, body pressed against mine, eyes gazing back at me in our reflection. A wave of calmness rushes over me, the water cool and stagnant.

"Whatever doubts you are having about yourself, they're not true." She speaks, voice a mere whisper in my ear. Her breath tickles my neck and I have to close my eyes, the pain in my chest becoming overwhelming. "You look gorgeous." She places a kiss on my neck, trailing them further up and along my jaw.

I don't move, which seems to be an indication for her to continue. I close my eyes again, the feeling of her lips against my skin burning hot yet so sweet. I turn to her, her mouth stopping, hands massaging my waist. I still want you. The thought courses through my brain like a drug and it almost knocks the breath from me completely.

"Please." I whisper back, arms on her shoulders, eyes gazing deep into hers. The water isn't as calm as it was when we started.

"Please what?" She asks, lips inches from mine.

"Please leave." I whisper back. Her head drops, mouth straying from mine as she rests herself on my shoulder. "I'm sorry, I just can't." She shakes her head as if understanding but I can tell it's killing her, the heart she wears on her sleeve only for me. But I don't deserve her heart.

She steps back and brushes herself off, fixing a stray curl and the singular tear that fell from her eyes. The ocean she kept contained barely finding its relief. Once satisfied she walks back the way she came, my body only able to stare at her whilst my heart beats loudly.

It screams at me to move, to take her mouth with mine. To wipe away the tear she'd shed myself. To please stop denying myself the one thing I want the most in the whole world. But I don't. My feet stay planted where they are, unmoving. Because it recognises that what we had is unfixable, non renewable. Broken.

Like when the stars no longer have enough hydrogen and collapse on themselves. When the rivers can't find their way home to the sea. When there's so much separating the stars and the oceans that they realise they can't be together. That they were destined to fail.

"You're going to do great out there." She says, hesitating at the doorframe. Not looking back. Something in my gut wrenches, contorting into the heartache I've familiarised myself with. "The moment I saw you I knew you were destined for much more. So dazzle them all okay?"

I say nothing and the door swings closed with a soft click. I turn back to the mirror, smoothing down the dress once more and checking the makeup I wear isn't noticeably smudged. I take a deep breath. You were destined for much more.

She's right. And this is the path I choose. For once, for myself.