Denial ~ Jeremiah fisher

The girl on the beach

Hi, my name is Jude Shaw I'm seventeen years old and next year, I'll be a senior in high school. A little bit about me I live with my mom, my dad isn't around. I had an older brother named Jackson... he died when he was fifteen, I guess he couldn't take our dads shit anymore. I was six and alone, my mom was too busy losing her shit over her son's death to even care about her other one. She didn't leave the house for 6 months unless it was to go to Jackson's grave. My dad wasn't the best to my mom and Jackson. to be honest he was always cheating on her, yelling, breaking stuff, and drinking that was his issue... he was actually a pretty good dad to me... just a shitty husband but Jackson was a mama's boy before anything so he was always the one to step up to my dad resorting into him taking some pretty bad beatings. After Jackson died it felt like a piece of me died. He was all I had to look up to so when he was gone I had to do everything on my own. Let's talk about something else...

We live in a nice beach house and I go to Cousins high school it's cool or whatever not much to really say about it, you know...? who even cares about that stuff I'm just going so that I can graduate I guess. I'm passing all my classes and I took a ceramics class it was pretty cool. It's currently the first day of summer break and the Fisher boys are coming back to their Summer home, which just happens to be right next to my house... I met them the summer after my brother died. The oldest boy found me on the curb outside my house which was right next door. His name was Conrad we instantly clicked because he reminded me of Jackson. After a while my mom had met their mom and they became good friends, she still wasn't leaving the house so Susannah let me stay with them that summer. I then met the youngest son, Jeremiah I didn't talk to him much. That one summer turned into many more my mom even started staying with us too. So what I'm trying to say is we practically grew up together with Laurel's two kids as well. It was always been me, Jeremiah, Conrad, Steven, and Belly.

I get along with Conrad the most still. He's pretty cool, I guess. I'll talk to Jeremiah from time to time... my mom doesn't like when I hang out with him because he's a "boy kisser". She's really Christian or whatever and doesn't believe in same-sex relationships. So she kind of asked me to keep my distance from him which I don't mind because I never really talk to Jeremiah before he came out. I'm not like homophobic or anything by the way I think gay people are just like normal people they just have their own thing going, you know? I don't like Jeremiah any less because he likes dudes it's just chill I guess. My mom is kind of dramatic. She likes to pray over me at night. It's like freaky or whatever but you know as long she's happy I'm happy. It's nothing really bad. It's just like a prayer that I'll be safe and nothing will ever happen to me, cute stuff like that but it sucks it always has to be about Jackson.

She always tells me how much of him she sees in me, which I love that she's not forgetting him. I know he's her first born but why does everything I do have to be about him as well? It kind of makes me uncomfortable when she makes comments like that. She'll tell me little things about us when we were younger but when she told me the stories, it doesn't sound like she really remembered much about me. Honestly sounds like she was too worried about Jackson to care about me even before he died. My dad was always there for me, He came to school events, parent teacher conferences, baseball games, field trips, things my mom wouldn't be caught dead at.

Well anyways, I'm currently sitting in my bedroom, looking out my window, waiting for Susannah to arrive. Me and my mom always going to help her set up the beach house which is where we all hang out over the summer. so we have to make sure it looks nice and neat before the other kids get there. eventually I see her pull into the driveway and get out the car. She looks up at me in the window and wave, "Hi Jude!" She yells to me. I give her a small smile and respond back "Hi Susannah." I close my window and shut my curtains getting ready to walk down to help. I walk down stairs and see my mom in the kitchen drinking a glass of wine. "Mom Susannah's here." I say dryly knowing she's too drunk to care. "Okay sweetie I'll meet you there!" She stumbled a bit. "Mom why don't you just stay here tonight." I said "that's actually a good idea Jude... you're so wise what would I do without a man like you." She said tripping over to me using my chest to hold herself up.