"Mom, p-please, i don't wanna live here" mahigpit akong nakahawak sa kobyertos, onting higpit na lang ay mayuyupi ko na ito.
"don't start, paradise." -mom
"but mom-"
"Why on earth can't you just keep your mouth shut and eat in peace, paradise? Huh? Isn't that too much to ask?!" said mom. frustrated.
fuck this. i hate this life.
hindi na 'ko sumagot ulit at pilit na inilunok ang bawat pagkain isinusubo ko. ugh. the pain in my throat was excruciating.
"ako na'ng bahala kay paradise, ate luciana, 'wag ka nang mag-alala, ako na ang bahala sa pamangkin ko na 'to" aunt leila looked at me and smiled, she gently clasped my trembling hand beneath the table, providing a subtle reassurance as I fought to contain the overwhelming sadness within me.
Mom wiped her lips with disdain and lowered the tablecloth at the edge of the table. she cleared her throat in a venomous tone."You'll be stuck here all summer, Paradise. do us a favor and give your father and me some peace. show us some pity, if you have any left."
It felt like the food lodged in my throat, trapped by her words. I forced myself to swallow some water and turned my gaze towards her, a mix of self-loathing and contempt swirling within me.
I can't believe her.
"I-I can't believe you. f-father? naririnig mo ba 'yong sarili mo?! hindi ko tatay 'yon! t-tangina naman, eh! ilang beses ko pa bang kailangan ipaalala sa'yo 'yan, ma!" As the tears streamed down my face, a bitter laugh escaped my lips, the sound echoed through the room, mingling with my sobs.
With a bitter taste of disgust and disappointment, I mustered the strength to utter the words that conveyed my unyielding truth, "uulitin ko, hindi siya ang tatay ko, no one can replace papa, no matter how hard you try."
In that moment, the irony of the situation seemed almost cruel. I couldn't bear to stay in that suffocating room any longer. I needed space to breathe and to collect my thoughts. i sigh and wiped the tears falling angrily from my cheeks.
I stood up and walked out, my steps fueled by a mix of anger and defiance.
I reached for my keys in my pocket, their cold metal offering a small sense of stability amidst the emotional chaos.
Unlocking the car, I slipped into the driver's seat, the familiar scent and feel of the leather offering a momentary comfort. the engine roared to life as I turned the key, drowning out the noise of my troubled thoughts.
Malayo layo na rin ang nabyahe ko. hindi ko alam kung ilang oras na 'ko nag d-drive o kung tumatakbo pa ba 'yong oras. sa ilang oras na 'yon, i feel like everything stop. then the reality hit me— i don't know where to go.
Kung titignan ay parang nasa Syudad na ako, malayo sa itsura ng lugar kung saan ako nanggaling.
Hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta o kung saan ko ba gustong magpahinga.
I saw 7/11 kanina bandang kanto before ako makapasok dito sa syudad, maybe i can stay there muna.
as i was driving down the road, i saw a nightclub. "thirst" its name.
