Sorrow of the Dead

I deserve to die

Dark clouds covered the sky like thick black moss. I've always hated rain but at that moment, it seemed to be a liberation. Salvation. But no matter how hard it tried, the sky couldn't wash the red stains on my hand.

I looked above, only to see nature mourning for me. I could see it in the endless sky which had lost its color. I could see it in the raindrops that fell like tears.

But nothing can make me feel better. After everything I've lost, only one thing had the superpower to make my life better and I had to do my best to make it happen.

With a newborn conviction, I took a deep breath. I shouldn't be worrying. The doctor had made it very clear. Even if my heart screamed that it couldn't be happy, I had to try.

It was my first day in Wales and I was alone. But it wasn't supposed to be like this. I was supposed to be laughing and be mesmerized by the beautiful amber eyes of...

"Stop you stupid heart. Shut all these sad thoughts out.", I said to myself.

Vrrrr. Vrrrr. I picked up my phone.

"Hey, Mia! Are you alright?!", Gweneth screamed.

"Uh... Yeah?", I said, confused.

"Ohh Thank God!! Where are you, Mia? What am I supposed to think when I saw you missing without even a note?", she asked calming down.

"Did you think I ran away to kill myself? If so Gwen, you know why I can't", I said annoyed.

"Sorry", she muttered in a small voice.

"I'm going to the bookstore to get some books. You know, my employer told me to join next week. Until then I need a distraction to keep my mind off some things", I said.

"Yeah, I understand. Call me if you need anything."

I was told there was a bookstore here but I didn't exactly know the place. When I decided to walk around to search for it, an old building caught my eye. Its nameplate was rusty and most of the letters were illegible, but through the display window, I could see stacks and stacks of books. Old books. I had the sudden urge to carefully pull each one out and smell the pages until I couldn't smell anything else.

Without thinking I entered the store. The bell went 'cling'. The store looked too old and vintage for Carmarthen. I looked around to find the counter empty but that didn't prevent me from exploring the shop. Most of the books were in a language I didn't recognize and there were some books with titles that I've never heard of. Like 'Ghouls and Gollums: The History', 'Can demons be trapped in dolls?', 'Blood and its demonic properties'. All the titles were creepy like the atmosphere in the shop. For some reason, I started feeling tense.

I looked around to find people but in vain. That's when the footprints caught my eye. I initially thought they were part of the dirty carpet's design but now I could see more clearly. It was red. Bloody red. They were bloody footprints of a girl, maybe in her late 30s. I felt my heart go berserk and my blood pressure rose. I felt giddy but I held on to the nearby rack and straightened myself. I have to help whoever is in danger. I can't be a coward.

I followed the footprints into the hallway. It was dark. I couldn't see anything properly but something hazy filled the air. It felt heavy. My throat felt tight. Standing in the middle I could see the footprints disappear under the last door at the end of the hallway. The door had a symbol on it, which I couldn't see properly from where I was standing.

I closed my eyes. Everything was silent. Dead silent. I could clearly hear my heart going nuts in my ribcage.

Ba-Thump. Ba-Thump. Ba-Thump.

With a shudder, I started to walk towards the door.

Creak. Creak.

As I went near I halted. It wasn't any symbol. I stared at the bloody handprint on the door. I felt like fainting. The world was spinning. I could see all the doors dancing in front of me. But somewhere in the corner, faintly, I heard a sound. A pounding sound. Someone was pounding on a door. Someone was in danger. I've killed one before and I couldn't live carrying the guilt if I let another one die. I took a deep breath. Calmed myself and opened the door.

Black. Everything was pitch black. I couldn't even see the hallway I came from. It was like the room sucked all the light and joy from the world. Dread filled me. I waited till my night vision kicked in and took one step forward uncertain of what lay before. I saw the footprints and followed them to an old bookcase. I checked for some secret chamber but couldn't find anything. That's when I saw it. The book. A leather leather-bound. No. It wasn't leather. It was... human flesh. I felt a wave of nausea clutch my stomach. The book was lying there covered in blood, its skin still warm. A sudden urge to pick up the book filled me. My senses dulled. It felt like I'll die if I didn't touch the book. I picked up the book and opened the first page.

Swoosh.

I heard something. A rustle of clothing. I could hear the wind though there were no windows. It was like my brain was playing tricks on me. Dread filled my every vein. My breathing became frenzied. I felt a presence behind me. With the book in my hand, I slowly turned to face a... corpse. It was a girl. Woman maybe. I could see the places where the skin had peeled off. I could see the hollow empty space where the left eye had to be. I could see the right eye, a bowl of bright red. No pupils. No white. Just blood. Bright. Red. Blood.

Shivers ran down my spine. My heart felt heavy. I tried to run away. I couldn't move. My blood ran cold. Other than my eyes, every part of my body froze. Every time I tried to move, it felt like a thousand fire needles pricked me everywhere. The corpse stared at me with burning eyes. It looked at the book I was carrying. I followed its line of sight to see the title of the book,

'BLOODY MARY'

My life played in front of me. I was in a cafe, immersed in his amber eyes. I was in a theme park, spraying water on him. I was in a restaurant teasing him for his weird food choices. I was at my home screaming to let him go, unable to watch him get hit by my relatives. I was in the hospital, crying over his dead corpse.

I deserved it. An innocent, honest gem of a guy had died because of me. Because I loved him. Because I couldn't stop myself from loving him. I've killed him. And this was my punishment. I deserved to die.

Bloody Mary floated closer to me. I closed my eyes. Ready to leave the world. Ready to pay for all my sins. But... instinctively my hands moved to my stomach. I was not ready to lose my unborn child. Tears rolled down my cheeks. The only reminder of him. One that could make my life better. But looked like I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve to live. I didn't deserve to have this baby. I didn't deserve to have his baby. I cried and cried, till my eyes bled.

I felt something on my belly. A hand. A skeleton hand. I opened my eyes. There was the corpse of Bloody Mary, touching my belly, blood streaming down one eye. I looked at her face. Through the blood and ripped-up skin sticking to the skull, I could see the sadness on her face. She was crying. Crying for me. Crying for my unborn baby.

That's when I remembered. Bloody Mary had died childless after years of false pregnancy, craving for a little life to claim hers.

Tears welled up in my eyes. I cried with her. I cried for her.

She removed her hand from my stomach and floated away. She paused at the doorway, looked back and before she drifted away, I promised myself to give the best ever life to the baby blessed by two exquisite souls.