His salty tears run down his pillow as he lays in the night tearing up over him wishing he was here but, dazai was gone he would never be coming back to the port mafia dazai was gone forever just this thought alone made akutagawa cry more he had the over whelming sense of guilt hanging over him ever sense he left. Everyone told akutagawa he should be happy but he couldn't he couldn't bring himself to congratulate the leaving of his mentor all the times that he was left in the warehouse the shit beaten out of him by that man he never hated him he always thought that dazai would never leave him as he tried his best but now that dazai has left, it leaves akutagawa thinking that his best was never enough and that it never will be, it leaves him wondering if he could ever be happy again if he could ever have the same amount of hope that he did the day dazai met him or the same amount of eagerness he had when he entered that warehouse hoping that the day was the day that he would beat dazai that one day it would happen but that day never came and now it left akutagawa holding his shattered heart in the palm of his hands the shattered heart that dazai had squished the one that dazai threw on the ground and stepped on all the time. The heart that stayed alive after all the beatings and abuse finally had shattered when he left the port mafia to leave forever and never come back. Akutagawa hadn't eaten since the day dazai left 3 days ago he hasn't eaten sense. He felt the starving feeling the hunger naw at his insides he ignored it. It felt good when it clawed and bit at the walls of his stomach he felt as if it was deserved so he ignored it, gin would bring him food and he would not eat and she would take the dish away. Gin came into his room and turned on the light this was new akutagawas eyes burned when the light was cut on he hasn't seen the light in days so he closed his eyes gin looked at him with a serious look and said "ryunosuke chuuya is coming over in 5 minutes he's going to talk with you.." gin turned away not cutting off the light or closing the door forcing aktugawa to get out of bed he did so and he decided he should get ready for chuuyas visit what could the mafia member want with him? He thought cluelessly. When he got out of bed his stomach nawed more from hunger but akutagawa simply ignored it again and he put on a shirt with a pair of jeans and he sat on his phone waiting for the ginger to arrive at the ravenettes apartment he heard a knock on his door and he opened it looking out to the red head who was a few inches shorter than him despite being a couple years older he had a saddened look on his face staring at the black haired male he said "may I come in ryunosuke?" Akutagawa let him enter and he sat on the bed beside the male the first thing chuuya says is "ryunosuke I care for you, gin cares for you so many people in the mafia care for you"
Akutagawas pov:
I don't respond I just look with tears already forming in my eyes he then says "ryuu I would go as far as to say me and gin love you" I respond by hugging him softly I hug him and I melt into him I try not to cry but I fail I end up sobbing into chuuya shoulder wetting his shirt with salty tears some getting in my mouth my nose is running and it's making a mess on chuuyas black shirt but he just hugs me and lets me stay there I then sob out a response"I'm not...okay i miss him...so so much" chuuya just looks but not with pity with genuine concern and care for me. I continue to sob until the tears stop I still feel bad but I cried out all the tears so I just sit up feeling a bit numb but still sad so I then tell chuuya "chuuya, I cared for him I loved him I would kill myself for him and he still left he's still gone I miss him so goddamn much I just wish he was here why did he leave, why" chuuya looks again with that same look of care from before and he says "Ryunosuke I know you miss I miss him too he was my partner and I'm not gonna tell anyone else this but he was my lover we had had so many wonderful moments where we were a couple we were in love I was smitten for him and he still left and it left me so heartbroken I drank myself away that night but I've moved on he's still in my memory and I still miss him so much but it's just how fate ended up so please ryu get better.."
