Helluva Boss Blitzø Angst

Dreams and Reality

TW: FLASHBACKS, SH, STUFF LIKE THAT, JUST ANGST IN GENERAL YK THE DRILL

Blitzø POV:
Fuck, fuck, fuck...
Why am I such a screw up?! I cant do anything right. My own father likes him better than me. Hell, I like him better than me. I turn away, card and flower still in hand but without the intent to give it to Fizz anymore. In my anger I push the kid with the birthday cake aside. I begin to walk away but stop in my tracks once I hear screaming and running. I look back over my should and see the green fire begin to spread throughout the circus. My home... well what was left, was gone. I look around once more in a panic at my surroundings, engulfed in flames. This is all my fucking fault. I hear a scream that I knew all too well... I am pushed back from an explosion and feel the burning sensation of my face. I scream in pain as I feel my skin melting from the heat. I turn to see Fizz reaching out for me. Although the explosion was painful. I will never forget the look of desperation and agony on his face... he stretches out what is left of his arms to try to reach me, but is of course too far away. I lightly touch my hand to my face, feeling the sting of the explosion still remaining. I want to help him. I want to help him so fucking bad, but I can't. He's too far and there's too many people and too much fire and everything is just...
It's just all too much.

I feel the sharp sting of the salty tears run down my wounded face, I blink to try to clear my eyes but once I do I'm greeted with a dark room. My house. I can almost still feel the sting of that fucking burn. It may have been years ago now, but I've had to relive it every day since. I get up off of the couch, wiping the tears that had fallen, and walk over to the bathroom. I look at myself long and hard in the mirror. I'm a monster. I have no right to be upset. I caused what happened to me. I caused what happened to him. I caused what happened to mom and... Barbie. I look myself in the eyes and can't help but see a helpless, talentless, waste of a body. I'm a monster and I have nobody to blame but myself.

I feel rage boil inside me, I can't help it. I'm so done with everything. I can't keep reliving the same shit every day, and every night. I look down from my eyes towards the entirety of my scars. Disgusting. I feel anger and resentment and hatred and fear all mix together and before I knew it I hear the noise of smashing glass and the aching of my knuckles. Fuck... I hope I didn't wake up Loona.

"Blitzø what the fuck are you doing?" Loona says, rubbing her eyes and voice groggy. Well shit, I guess I did wake her up. I can see she's mildly pissed but when she sees the smashed mirror, my bloody hand, and I guess my puffy eyes from the crying, I see her face soften. "Dad?..." she speaks softly. "What happened?" I can see the confusion in her eyes. She's probably just wondering what my excuse was to wake her up. She doesn't really care. I know she doesn't... "Nothing. I'm gonna go fucking kill something." I say storming to the counter, grabbing the dagger I left there from work today, and leaving the house as I slam the door behind me.

"God dammit... great job, dickwad." I mumble to myself, flicking the blade of the dagger as I walk. "Now she'll hate you even more." I never know where I'm walking to in times like this, but I always end up at least somewhere. It's better than being a pussy about it, I guess. After a bit of walking I find a huge tree, but it looks familiar in a way I almost can't describe. It was on a hill and...
Oh.
That tree.

The tree where I first talked with Stolas. Where I told him how I wanted to have my own business. I said I'd hire him, but I guess it's more the other way around now, huh? I chuckle solemnly at the irony and walk over to it. I sit at the base of the tree. Exactly where I sat all those years ago. I look at the dagger, then the tree. My eyes repeatedly travel from the dagger to the tree, to the dagger, and then to myself. I wonder if I could just...
No.
I haven't done that in years, and I promised myself I wouldn't again. But then again, who cares about promises. People have broken so many of their promises with me, so what's the harm in breaking my own, right?... Right?...

I shouldn't... I know I shouldn't, but I want to... I need to. I start to poke at my red skin with the tip of the blade lightly, then slowly sliding across until I began to saw small beads of the black blood I was so used to seeing by now. Once I did the first, I couldn't stop myself... I see the lines form as the blood starts to come through. A small smile appears on my face. Something I haven't done in a while. I hear somebody walking around near me so I pick up the dagger and bolt. Usually I wouldn't give a shit. I can take on anyone, but just not like this.

Stolas POV:
Once I know that Via and Stella are asleep, I often look out off of my balcony and stare at the tree where I had met my first friend. Blitzø. My darling Blitzy~
I smile at the mere thought of him, but then I see a familiarly shaped figure. I open up a portal far enough for them to hopefully not notice me, but close enough for me to get a better look at who would be there. Once I walk through I am sure to stay as quiet as possible.
I slowly get closer until I can make out who it is. As I was about to walk over to him to ask what he was doing out here, I step on something and it cracks, which alerted him of my presence and I see him jolt his head up and look around to see who was there. Luckily I hid in time. I look out from my hiding to see what he was doing but he was gone. I go over to where he was sat since I had saw some shiny liquid and...
Blood?
Why is he bleeding? Is he alright? Where did he go? All of these questions and horrible scenarios go through my head until I notice a scratch mark on the tree. It seemed like the scratch was cause by some sort of blade. He might've gotten into a fight with somebody and got hurt! I look around to try to find and trace of him and where he went to, but he was gone.

Blitzø POV again:
Shit, I think they saw me. I don't know who it was but they could be dangerous and I am not in the fuckin' mood to deal with that right now. I already have enough people who want me dead.
I walk back home, feeling the blood slowly flowing down my arm to my fingertips. It almost feels... calming, in a way. I don't know how to describe the feeling. It just is.

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1298 words
Hope you enjoyed reading :) Chapter 2 might be up eventually lol