~*A Therian in fall~*

~*October 8th-2023*~

Alright, sorry for not updating- I've been feeling like crap these past few days TvT
My arm has been hurting, my anxiety has been anxieting, very much. And I haven't even been able to enjoy the nice fall weather my state has been having *which is very rare* so hopefully maybe updating this journal can help me cheer up!
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This happened yesterday but I still wanted to mention, I worked a bit on my warrior cats story and also a weirdcore story I've been making!
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So back to actually today, I woke up. Ate breakfast and almost forgot to take my meds XD I'm sitting in my den, which the blankets had to be washed all the yesterday 😭😭 my sister sent some adorable photos of her and her "roommate" of them after the completed a haunted maze, but had the audacity to not send them to me too 👹 sHe kNowS I LikE hEr mOre tHen mOm.
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I spent a little time working on the new tail I'm making, I'm trying to include more browns then the last one, so it looks a bit more like a ragdoll cat tail.
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We went to this place called lauritzen gardens, then we went to church :p
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Vent (Tw: mentions of weight, eating habits and body image??)
Alright, so I might be going crazy. But I swear, ever since I went to the doctor two weeks ago and I got weighed, my mom has made MULTIPLE COMMENTS, in completely separate conversations. And theyve all been along the lines of "you're not light anymore your 110 pounds" And honestly, yeah even before I reached that weight my anxiety was rising over the fact that I wasn't like 90 something pounds anymore. (Which btw for my height and age wouldn't of been healthy anyway) and for the past couple weeks, I've been trying to actually eat more, not limit myself between choosing which meal I was going to skip that day. I feel like the worst part is I'm self aware, I know that the thoughts I'm having aren't healthy, and I know that the way my body looks isn't actually what's making me feel like sh*t. No matter how I look I'm going to dislike myself. But when ever I'm around other girls my age I just can't help but wish I looked like them...
(Went off on a bit of a ramble there) but anyway, and even my mom and dad have been getting super worried over the past months because of my not eating. But I just feel like I'm pulled in two different directions, my mom is always talking about her weight to me 24/7 and talking about how she needs to exercise and lose weight. And this is a direct quote from her that she has said multiple times "yeah, that (insert clothing item) is cute, but short chubby tomatoes like me can't wear that" and even though sometimes she makes me want to jump off of a 🏢 i love her, and it REALLY hurts hearing her talk about herself that way...
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Whoops, that rant was a little long xp, anyways, gn y'all. No sign out for today 😢