Learning to Live

Chapter 1

Niall's P.O.V.

"Niall! Wake up!"

My body launches forward, so I'm completely sitting up in bed. My breathing is hard and rough. I look to my left and Louis' sitting there. I try to smile a small smile, but fail. I open my mouth to speak but he cuts me off,

"Don't you dare..."

"I was gunna say..."

"That everything's fine, ya I know."

"It is fi..."

"It's not."

He gets up and walks out of the room. Well then. I slowly lay back down and catch my breath. This is getting really frustrating. Every single night. For the last 2 months. Nothing helps. Not the medication, not the talking, nothing. It's getting worse. It started out as once a week. It's every single night now.

Not only is it the nightmares, but just seeing one of Zayns lighters is enough to lock myself in my bedroom for a hour. If one of the boys even tries to take a sweatshirt off while I'm in the room, I'm running. It's frustrating. I can tell the boys are tired of waking up to me screaming every night.

I reach over to my bedside table and open up the small drawer. I move around all the small random things that have gathered there. At the bottom I find what I've been looking for, a small piece of yellow paper. I flip it over and long and behold, there's the doctors number. I told the boys that I wouldn't need it. But that annoying little voice in my head made me keep it. They should be open at 7am right? Won't hurt to try. I quickly dial the number and put the phone to my ear. I pick impatiently at the bed sheet while I wait. I'm surprised when I hear someone pick up.

"Hello. Dr. Smith speaking."

"Uh. This is Niall Horan."

"Ah. So I see you did need my number."

"Y-yeah."

"What seems to be the problem?"

"I just...it's the...can I make an appointment or something?"

"Sure! How's today at 11?"

"I'll be there. Bye."

I hit end call and throw my phone down. I pull my knees up to my chest and make fists in my hair. Why am I even angry? Nobody did anything. I don't understand this. It's just making me more upset. I get up out of bed and angrily grab a pair of pants and a sweatshirt. I put them on and head to the kitchen. I just feel like slamming everything. I open the cabinet and grab a bowl. Slamming the cabinet door. I open the cabinet that holds the cereal. Slamming it closed. I pour my cereal into the bowl, not caring that half of it's going on the floor. I open the fridge to get the milk. Making sure to slam that door too. I pour the milk over my cereal when I hear Liam's shout,

"What the hell is going on!?"

I slam the milk jug down and sharply turn around.

"You wanna know what happened?"

"Yeah, I kinda do."

"Life. That's what happened."

I grab a spoon and stomp my way out of the room. I walk into the living room and turn on the t.v. I can hear Liam come in behind me.

"Liam. Don't."

"Don't what? Try to help? All we want is for you to get better. If you would just..."

I slam my cereal down on the coffee table watching as it spills and begins to slide onto the floor. I get up and push Liam out of the door way. I stomp my way to my room, not caring about the others. I slam my door and let the tears fall.