... Is socializing a need? ... I wonder what will happen if I jump in, would I be dead? Thinking about suicide might not be the best idea but maybe I should try it? Will it make a big noise? Will it disturb other people? If I actually tried making friends would I still think about it? For the longest time I tell myself that socializing is not a need it's a want, I do all the teamworks in class alone, I do everything alone. I can't say I enjoy it because I don't know how it'll feel if I wasn't alone. ... A leaf from the tree above my head falls in to the lake, so calm, so gentle but oddly heavy. It's the tiniest leaf, so tiny that it wouldn't make a sound dropping into the water, but it's the biggest leaf, so big that it draws all my attention. Beep ... I received a message from my parents saying to take care of my brother since they're leaving to go to work. What did I expect? No one would actually send me a text. I tried reaching for the leaf that had fallen, I tried to save the leaf from drowning in the water but it still got lost in the deep cold lake. If the leaf had fallen on the ground like every other leaf it'll still die like every other leaf, but maybe a child will pick it up and keep it in their book as a bookmark. I slowly went in the water feeling the coldness enter my body. ... Is social a need... If I were to live, I would want to make friends, if I were to die I would already have a friend... I guess socializing is important, humans are social animals... I guess I'm just unlucky. I tried to save the leaf, I tried to save me. When the branch is empty will it be replaced by new leafs? When autumn comes will I have still the same dreams? Like a maple leaf fallen in water, so silent not only the sound that it makes but also it's existence...
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