Sometimes she thinks about how Valkyrie could put on anything and not feel subconscious about it. How she walks around with pride in what she's wearing, and how her body looks while she's in it. She acknowledges all the curves on her body, and the way she proudly shows them off.
She also thinks about how Yelena could pull off almost every hairstyle, and it doesn't matter what color or how much length she has, she looks amazing either way.
She thinks about the way Maria speaks with so much confidence and that she knows everyone will stand there and listen to her like some dogs waiting for an order.
She thinks about how Kate holds herself together, how she could talk to almost every single person in the world, and truly seem like she was interested in them. She thinks about her personality, her attitude, and how she's not nervous to be herself.
She remembers the way Carol walks around with her back straightened and her head held up high. She acknowledges how she knows that everyone will be staring at her.
She raised her head, swallowing, as she moved her fingers down her body, sucking in her stomach as she did.
She also notices how she takes everything in and tries to put every ounce of it into herself.
Her talk, walk, and smile changed just because she noticed theirs was different.
"Are you okay?"
Natasha tilted her head, her eyes studying every feature on her face, from her cheekbones to her nose, her lips.
Some days she likes what she sees, she likes her full lips, and she likes how her nose is shaped and how her cheeks puff when she smiles. Sometimes she doesn't notice the bad things and sometimes it's the only thing she sees.
The other days she hates them and she knows others hate them too. Just by their faces, she knows they hate her laugh and how she speaks, and every day Natasha tries so hard to fix it.
She swallowed, licking her lips before biting down on them. It was a draining thing to do, but she had to because if she didn't fit in the world's eyes and if they didn't like her, she didn't even want to think about what she would do.
Her anxiety and fear were crashing into her like huge waves, her fingers touched her clenching body, and she could feel her ribs, so she thought she was too skinny but also too big.
Her head felt as if it was burning as she looked down at her body, her dress that stuck to her like a second pair of skin, it was long, golden, and it didn't quite look like a dress a Disney princess would wear but it felt like it.
Overall it was beautiful, she wondered if she looked beautiful.
"Will they think I'm beautiful?"
She asked, finally voicing her thoughts that were eating her up alive to the person she trusted the most.
"Does it matter?"
Natasha cleared her throat, turning towards her girlfriend, Wanda, who was sitting on her bed, with her sharp green eyes following her every step.
yes, it matters, it's the only thing that matters to her, but those words die on her tongue.
Natasha watched as the brunette folded her arms, leaning forward, causing her long brown hair to fall off her shoulders and onto her chest as she moved them, and her cheekbones deepening, as slightly she tilted her head down.
She knew she was studying and not her appearance but her mind. Wanda does this thing where she looks at people like she's trying to get into their heads, and the way her gentle gaze can quickly turn to an intense one makes them nervous and uncomfortable but for Natasha, weirdly, she enjoys it.
It makes her feel good knowing someone wasn't just looking at her, but seeing her.
Even though her flaws were on view, Wanda made her so comfortable that it was okay for her to know, to see and hear her naked both physically and mentally.
Wanda did not judge her, although she didn't fully understand her thoughts and actions she tried to and that was good enough.
"Natasha?"
She lifted her head, and Wanda stared at her with her brows raised, her eyes had turned into a much softer one, and the corners of her lip moved downwards.
Natasha squinted her eyes, a person would have to be blind to not notice how beautiful her girl was.
Her outside beauty was one thing but her inside was another. Her Wanda was sweet, thoughtful, and kind, although just like every else she had her problems, Natasha didn't notice them.
She acknowledges and sees them but she just doesn't want to notice. So as much as the brunette denies it in Natasha's eyes she will forever be the perfect woman, which makes her sick knowing she was jealous of something she created in her mind.
Her eyes filled with tears, as she nodded, "Yes..."
Wanda gives her this look in her eyes that says so much and so once again it leaves her bare, her mind and soul were on full display but knowing only she, just Wanda, could see it, was good enough to not make her skin crawl.
The brunette held up her hand, inviting her over, and without much hesitation, the redhead stepped between her legs.
Wanda smiles.
"You are the most beautiful person, I know."
Natasha doesn't believe her and doesn't even try to but she listens and Wanda knows that, as the smile of hers falters and she sighs.
Natasha feels as her fingertips scratch against her neck, moving up and down, before going across her jaw, the brunette spoke, lowly, "As much as I try, detka, I don't understand the pageants, I don't enjoy the fear."
"Because to me, you are beautiful the way you are."
Wanda's fingers dropped to her hands, grabbing them both and holding them gently in hers, Natasha's skin had turned red and it was covered in small scratches.
Wanda leaned down, bringing her hands to her lips, kissing them tenderly, "I love how your face turns red when you smile, I love your real laugh."
"and I can't explain how much I love your voice, especially in the mornings," Wanda said, before laughing softly, "I love how selfless and stubborn you are."
"You are pretty, you are beautiful."
Wanda pulls them closer, holding their hands to her chest, the redhead lowers her head, her cheeks are shining, glistening with her tears.
"As much as I hate to see you cry, I love to see your tears because it shows that you are human, and it's okay because soon you'll know that it is fine not to be perfect."
Natasha breathed out, her head leaning against Wanda's, "But until that day and after, Natasha, I will love you as a whole, I will love you as a person."
As a person, not just a model, not just a face, but as a person.
Her words felt so good, and so genuine that finally it eased her mind. Natasha smiled, softly, the corners of her eyes crinkling as she did it.
Like tonight and every night.
Wanda thought she was beautiful.
Natasha thought Wanda made her feel beautiful.
