A World Of Isolation

oh

7/09/23
The first day of school.
Where it all goes downhill.

I'm not particularly excited for school. I mean I'm excited to see James, and that's about it. I've saw Ellie basically everyday. She doesn't know im struggling, well if I'm being honest noone does. But the thing is, she doesn't even ask me if I'm okay, if she's ever struggling I'm comforting her, I ask her if she's okay every day and then says something like 'no, my brother called me piece of shit, it really got to me.' Like that was the worst thing that could ever happen to someone. But I guess what they all say is true, first texters get nothing but a hi, but if I didn't text first, I wouldn't get anything. And we would end up drifting apart, as much as I want to, I wouldn't have anyone to go to, speak to, hangout with, and I would be even more of an emotional wreck!

I get to the front gates and the fear leaps right back up to my head. Everything around me is spinning, people are just speaking mumbles, it's going blurry!! All I can see is people staring at me. But I know in reality, noone gives a shit that I'm there, noone gives a shit about me.
I'm just stood here like this for about 30 seconds until "AVERY" Ellie jumps up from behind, hands on my shoulders. "Oh hi ellie"
"U okay avery?" She finally fucking said it. But I know she doesn't mean it. "Yeah, fine" "WELL IM NOT" she exclaims. Of course she isn't. This sounds really selfish of me but sometimes I feel like just saying to her, I don't want to listen. But I'm not that type of person, I would say I'm a people pleaser myself.

The first day wasn't so bad, I got used to my lessons. And was screaming when I found out I only had one lesson without James! That was geography which I don't listen in anyways.

Ellies pov:

*new text from 💗avery💗*

A- hey
E- heyy
A- can we talk?
E- yeah sure! But first can I tell you something?
A- oh, um yeah
E- I have a crush!!!
A- SPILL
E- noo wayy
A- plsss
E- ugh fine
E- James 🤭
A- oh
E- what did u wanna tell me?
A- don't matter

Why was she acting so moody? It's not like she has anything going on, she says she's fine all the time and avery isn't someone to lie. Probably nothing to worry about.

Averys pov:

Surprise surprise, Ellie likes James. She doesn't know I like him as she would most likely tell EVERYONE. She did it to my last crush that's for sure. Harry. Harry Jones. I told her I had a crush on him and she started telling everybody, even him! He didn't like me back. And the worst thing is, he's james' best friend, like litreally they known eachother since birth. And that would just be SO embarrassing if he found out I stopped liking him and like his best mate instead. It's just so confusing. I swear to god!!!!

*the next day*

The second day of year eight. I still have that feeling of fear in me, even though yesterday was completely fine. And now Ellie has told me about James, I just know she's going to keep ranting on about him all day. My timetable is pretty shit too. Double maths, drama, English, history and last lesson PE. IM GOING TO FULL ON HUMILIATE MYSELF. The first lesson of the year is ALWAYS the bleep test, and guess what, I can't run!! James on the other hand, is the fastest in the whole school! And Ellie. She sucks at running. But I know she's going to push herself to get higher than me. Even if it's just by one.

*time skip to maths p1*

This was my first maths class as since I have a double, I don't have maths on a Monday. My seating plans have been pretty good. I mean I'm not sat with Ellie, nor James in any of them. And I don't have many friends. But atleast I'm not with my ex bsf, melanie right? That story is for a different day. And this is where it all changes.

I walk in look at the board and search for my name. I'm on the table of for with- NO.
The board reads out.

Avery.                     Melanie

James.                    Ellie

Could it get any worse. My fucking unsociable self opposite james, with Ellie next to him, full on simping, AND MELANIE NEXT TO ME. I immediately panic. Ellie doesn't like Melanie either and knows what she did. But as I look round I see Ellie and Melanie laughing there heads off. James just sat that in disgust. And I was the last one there, HOW EMBARRASING.

"Oh hi avery" Ellie speaks out, look at Melanie, and they start giggling again. I just stared at them. Holding back the tears that are going to be draught to my eyes any minute. "How are you, ellie" I ask, hardly being able to speak. Ellie goes to reply but Melanie beats her to it "we're having a conversation, shush" she says this with pure sass. I lift my head up, "mhm."

"Hey" James whispers. I just smile in response. His face goes from happy, to confused. But he doesn't say anything else. The next thing I know my name is getting called. "Avery" is repeated several, times, BY MY TEACHER. I then realise my head is on my desk, I must've got so lost in my thoughts I fell asleep!! "There is so sleeping in class, that will be a break time detention" "just for that!? I can't help it!" I say slouching back on my chair. "I would shut up if I was you" the teacher exclaims. I hear Ellie and Melanie chuckle.

I'm about to cry at this point. And certainly won't be doing it infront of the whole class. "Can I go to the toilet" I think the teacher can realise I'm now biting my lip, holding back teats because she actually says yes. I run the the toilets lock myself in there. And here we go again. My daily crying in the cubicle for about 10 minutes. When I hear the door open. I cover my mouth and try not to whimper. They probably think I'm skiving or something as I'm taking so long in there, but ended up just walking out.