Before You

Are they in the right?

"During the perilous journey, we are bound hand and glove."

It made me think of them, I didn’t care if I got sick because it was soothing to remember the old times with them in moments like this. Most people were probably tucked up in their rooms, on their phones or with friends waiting the weather out. I, however, was stupidly resting against the stable walls, being handed a cigarette as I reminisced a happier time. It wasn’t so bad there was thunder, but the droplets turning the dirt to squelchy mud was slowly becoming an obnoxious problem for me. I took the cigarette, placing it between my toned fingers as I looked up at Jess and his gang. “Ya good?” He wonders, smiling down at me, though I’m not sure if he really wants an answer. I glance down at my boots, unsure if part of the brownness was due to the filth below me. Shrugging, I held my hand out to him and he pulled me up, helping to balance me so I didn’t fall back.

As I got myself into an almost unconscious state, the chimes of the dinner bell screamed, a blurry haze of orange and deep red above making me realise we’d been out here forever. “Come on, Stewart. Don’t make me pick you up!” Ambrose prodded, making the others laugh. I groaned at the thought, yet also because, as I stumbled forward, the throbbing coming from inside my head was like a thorn. Insufferable, obnoxious, demonic. In a moment, my fumbling body had paused it’s movements. A breeze took over my arms, a male figure I hadn’t recognized stepped in front of me, and only then did I see that whoever it was had placed his hands over my arms, effectively stopping me. “How fucking high are you, Theodore?” His voice, a mix between menacing yet half-compassionate. His touch a cold, unwelcome feeling, as if it was frost in the early winter morning. But even if I’d learned Jess Wayland was a little unlike me, he was my friend. He cared about me. “Too high…” I whimpered, holding my head as he walked me into the crowded, long lined food area. “I’ll say.” Another said, but the voice was different. Kind. Understanding. Amused, but worried. His tone was warm, sweet like his breath. Like a cake out of the oven, not like a mince pie. Certainly not like Jess. “Arthur.” I embraced his hug, smiling briefly as I made my way to where he was sitting, Arthur carefully avoiding the most earsplitting groups. “Why were you hanging out with that group in the cold, Theo?” Arthur questions, almost a whisper as he glides his thumb over my hand, still holding it tightly. I leaned against him, my head rested on his chest as I force him into an uncomfortable lying position so I can sleep. “Theo, should I take you back to the room?” I whine, clutching his shirt while I scrunch my eyes closed. My body becomes soft and slumps more heavily onto the figure below me, the blur of colors surrounding me darkening as my ears give out, finally earning me the tranquility I’ve longed for.

A shuffling sound revokes my sleep, forcing my muscles to harden as my brain slowly comes to terms with the movements under me. I groan, but quickly end up shutting up as it comes to my attention what’s happened. “Are you okay, Theo?” It’s not like a movie when I hear his voice, my eyes don’t snap open immediately because I won’t let them in fear of hurting my head more, and I certainly won’t get up and attack him with a romantic kiss, that’s just not me. But as I lay there, on his bed because we still haven’t gotten our act together, I can feel his gaze and I can feel my head stop having a war against itself as he says, “Stupid question.” and hits himself gently. Yeah, okay. A crash of the door opening disturbs my mind further as the migraine settles in, deciding to stay. I look at the culprit, glaring even when I see who it is. It doesn’t matter if he meant to or not, he still did it and my head still wants to kill itself. “Is he— oh.” He cuts himself off when he looks at me, making me raise an eyebrow. “Am I…?” I start, both of the older boys glancing back at me as they silently have a conversation with each other through gestures. Is it just me who thought that was a girl thing, then? Calumn shrugs, an obvious sign he won’t finish the sentence. I roll my eyes, what I’m not sure is just a want or rather a need to discover what he was about to say. Should have pretended to be asleep, actually would have been better if I hadn’t woken up at all. “Was just going to ask if you were still sleeping.” Calumn tells me, giving a look to Arthur as he says it. I stare at him, a tip I learned on google to tell whether people are lying or not. Google’s full of shit. “Theo, we need to talk to you.” I can tell my heart beats faster, and no matter what they’re saying about it being nothing, I’m not really listening. That sentence always comes with a price. It was the first thing my parents said to me when they sat me down to talk. I thought they were going to get a divorce. Honestly, I would have preferred that over losing someone I love. “We’re all good here, dude. Me and Arthur are just concerned that you and Thunder need a little bit more help than you’re letting on.” I look at him, my little blip of thoughts being stopped as the boy of 18 years rests his hands on mine, effectively warming them. “What..?” I furrow my brows, tight lipped as I rethink what I could possibly be doing wrong. “I don’t… You don’t need to worry about me.” The two of them give me hard looks, a glint in their eyes telling me that I shouldn’t lie. But I’m not. “I can take care of myself, and I don’t need anyone’s help. Nor their pity.” I look them both up and down as I stand, although soon after being forced back down by both the physical arms of the guys and the migraine that’s really forcing a hole in my plans. I don’t think I can be here any longer, or it’ll turn out like that one time I sat out in the rain with Thunder until we both got deadly sick and we didn’t leave home for three weeks. Wow, I really need to learn from my mistakes. I think as my memories fill up with all the times I sat in the rain because it helped me not to break down. “It doesn’t make you weak to ask for help every once in awhile, Theodore. We’re glad to help, and we’re not going to leave you alone in this.” Calumn tells me, his tone more demanding and serious than I’ve heard it before. I play with my fingers, looking down at my lap as the atmosphere is filled with a silence. A silence of which is increased in awkwardness as Calumn as his best friend stare at me, waiting for me to say something like ‘I’m not okay.’ or ‘Please help me.’ but that would sound weak and pathetic even if I did need help. Which I don’t, me and Thunder can take care of ourselves. I look at them, feeling a new confidence in me that made me realise something. “I’ve been taking care of myself my entire life, and I certainly don’t want or need help now.” Calumn sighs as Arthur pinches the bridge of his nose, “All we’re saying, Theo, is that if you ever needed or wanted someone to talk to.. remember that I can take things seriously if I need to.” He lets a small smile out, forcing me to give in and grin. “Can you?” He nods enthusiastically, Arthur holding a fist to his mouth as he stifles a laugh. “Sure you can, bud.”