Above Water ✔️

31 - winding down

Things were good.

Dallas and I were having a blast, as per usual, as if the whole self-doubt coupled with self-sabotage thing never happened. We had the best sex and went out and ate the best food, but as friends. I liked the arrangement a little too much.

We only had about three weeks left in the house. It was a bittersweet feeling.

I never wanted to come here. I didn't want to leave the comfort of my daily routine, to disrupt the flow of my existence that came from waking up, working, eating, and going to sleep. I didn't want to leave my cat. This wasn't supposed to be a trip I enjoyed, but rather obligatory.

But I did enjoy it. I met some cool people, I caught up with my best friends! I saw my not-niece and not-nephew for the first time in months. My body was rejuvenated and brightened, my skin was the clearest it'd ever been.

And best of all, I met Dallas.

He made me feel so . . . me. I never thought I'd see feeling like Thomas as a good thing, but it was! He worshipped my body, he laughed at my jokes, he looked at me as if I were the only one in the world, even when I wasn't even the only one in the room. I almost fucked it all up by over sharing and acting on my fears, but he didn't care.

So maybe I didn't want to go home. Maybe I was having the best summer of my life and I didn't want it to end.

Maybe Mrs. Cline could pack Nelly Furtado in a box, poke holes in the top, and ship her to me express. Maybe Erick would let me pay rent to just crash in the shed for the rest of my life.

It was stupid. I knew it was stupid.

But while I was laying in bed with Dallas after he just sucked me off like I was his oxygen and he held me, combing his fingers through my hair, it was all I could think. I looked up at him. Late Night Talking was playing from the speaker of my phone and I couldn't help but smile.

Full circle.

"What are you smiling about?"

I hid my smile in his ribcage. "Nothing."

He pulled on my messy, matted curls, making me look up at him. I could stare at him from any angle, any day. Those eyes stared down at me. A wild thought ran through my mind, one that had the potential to make things complicated. What if this could last forever?

I shook that thought off just in time for Dallas to speak again. "So the firm called me back today," he said softly. I sat up and turned to face him, waiting for him to tell me the good news. He smiled, his scruffy cheeks pulling in both directions in a beautiful grin. "I got the spot."

"Dallas!" I exclaimed, smacking his chest. "That's awesome!"

He smiled bashfully, shrugging like it was no big deal. "So I guess I'll be a Floridian for the next semester." His voice sounded different, a bit unsure maybe. The look in his eyes mirrored that.

"Are you nervous?" I asked.

"A little bit," he admitted. "Only the starting over down here all alone part. I'm stoked to have the opportunity, don't get me wrong, but it feels like I barely just got acclimated to life in the city."

I paused. "Wait, you go to school in New York?"

Dallas raised an eyebrow. "Yeah? Cornell."

Why did I think he lived so far away? I could have known him all my life at this point, or at least for years. We were practically neighbors. I guess it had more to do with the fact that he was rarely around Phoebe, despite living so close. What if we'd met sooner? Would he have still caught feelings for me upon first meeting?

"Huh," I said. "No chance your friend would move down here with you?"

"Who, Garrett?" Dallas snorted. "He's a family man through and through. I know he wouldn't want to move more than ten minutes away from his mom. I'm kinda on my own here."

I wished we'd met sooner. Maybe then things would be different. Maybe I could be the one to pack up and move down here with Dallas.

Stop, Meek.

"You won't be alone here for long," I reassured him and he waited for me to elaborate. "People kind of flock towards you once they realize you're not as intimidating as you look. Attractiveness aside, you're very likeable."

Dallas smiled again, this time much more authentic. I smiled back and he pulled me close against his body, pressing our lips together. He kissed me a lot, I noticed. Every chance he got when we were alone, and sometimes stolen around the house, he was touching me or kissing me. It was sweet and always welcomed.

"Will you come to New York for the holidays?" I asked.

He looked up at the ceiling. "Phoebe only started inviting me to Christmases and Thanksgivings last year," he said. "I've always said no because I don't want to intrude on their traditions."

I furrowed my eyebrows, sitting up once again by pushing myself up with a hand on his chest. "You spend your holidays alone?" I stared as he nodded, no hint of gloom in his face. "Uh, yeah. That won't work."

"It won't work," he repeated, trying to hide a hint of a smile

"I know I give off the impression that I'm grumpy and hate fun, but I am such a holiday person, it's actually disgusting," I said, pushing myself all the way up so I was looking down at him with my legs crossed. "My mom and I always went ham on decorations until I moved out, so now I just deck the fucking halls at my place by myself. Every Christmas, I go to my mom's place and we decorate cookies and listen to Christmas songs and eat a shit ton of food, so . . ." I stopped to take in his expression. He looked blushingly smitten as he listened to me rave about the holiday season. "This year, you're gonna stop by Phoebe's and wish them a merry day and then you're coming to my mom's for Christmas dinner and you're not allowed to say no."

Dallas bit his bottom lip, the dimples in his cheeks popping out as he flexed against a smile. "Okay."

I nodded curtly, holding out my hand to shake on it. He grabbed it, yanked my wrist in one firm shake, and then pulled me down into a kiss.

We hung around the room for the day, only leaving to eat or use the restroom. I pictured Dallas at my apartment on Christmas day, wearing a fuzzy, ugly sweater and holding a casserole dish of something he insisted on contributing. I pictured my mom falling in love with him, trying to stick him in her purse at the end of the night. My aunt Rachel would be hesitant, always so unsure of men, but she'd be charmed eventually as well.

The thoughts had me spiraling, my heart growing fonder for my summer lover. I tried to shake it off, but it was impossible.

It was impossible when Dallas laid beside me and told me stories about the first time he met Erick or when he wanted to kiss me in the past few weeks before the day on the beach. It was impossible when he leaned his head on my shoulder to watch the next episode of the anime I was binging. It was impossible when he called me baby while he was deep inside me.

The end of summer was nearing and I feared I wouldn't want to let go.