Game On

Chapter Thirty-One: Taste Of Kindness

Staying against the wall, Sean watched Mark storm out of sight before slowly sliding down the wall to sit on the floor. Wrapping his arms around his legs, he dropped his head onto his knees. Part of him wanted to run after Mark and try to explain what had happened. While another part of him just wanted to give Mark space and time to calm down. His words had cut him deeply. They had torn open wounds that he had hoped would never reopen. Yet here he was. Thinking about it. He didn't feel like Mark would ever understand how he felt. How could he? Mark had grown up around friends. His family was close and only got bigger when his parents separated. Everyone who had ever known him... loved him. He had no idea what it was like to be truly alone. To be the one that everyone was too tired to play with. To live in the shadows of others because you don't know how to be seen. To feel scared when you are seen because you don't shine naturally. To fear fading into obscurity again.

Mark would never understand how much it hurt to be hated, because hatred bounced off him like a shield. While he had endured it. The overwhelming hatred of being with someone no one wanted him to be with. Someone he thought had loved him... only to use him for fame. Isolating him from his friends... only to leave him as his fame dwindled from the lack of them in his life. He'd never been used before. Had never been manipulated before. He'd never been so afraid of upsetting anyone before. It all had overwhelmed him. It had broken him... and in the end, he just felt lost. There was nothing he knew of that could help him repair the damage he'd caused. He loved Mark... but never felt like he deserved him. It didn't matter how close he got to him. He always felt like he'd eventually lose him. Mark just shined too brightly and one day... he'd just move on to someone who shined like himself. So, he chose to love him like it was all... temporary. A shameful secret between them.

Even when the fans had dug into them over their clear affection. Mark had always dealt with it like he did everything else. He'd laugh and play it up for his fans without any hostility or dismissal. He couldn't say the same. How could he? His family wouldn't have taken the news as well. He had been scared of what people would think of him. Of what people would do to him. He had more to lose. He had let fear drive him away from Mark... and it had been his biggest mistake. It was a mistake that he felt was eternally branded upon his skin. A wound that would never heal because... he didn't know how to make it go away. Mark would never trust him again. There was nothing he could do to fix that. Tears spilled from his eyes, and he didn't bother trying to disguise it. There was no one to hide from here. He cried and cried alone in the hallway until he ran out of tears. Not a soul came to offer advice. To ask if he was ok. He was... alone. Sniffling, he forced himself to get up.

As much as he didn't feel like moving, he made himself go for a walk. It didn't matter where he was going. He just wanted to go. To do something other than sit and feel sorry for himself. Walking down the hallway in the opposite direction of where Mark had gone, he just started to slowly walk. He stayed in the lightest hallways and avoided the dark ones. Walking felt good. It got his mind thinking about other things. Not a lot, but enough that he was taking in scenery and pictures. His body wanted him to stop. To lean on something. To sit by a window and think. He refused. He didn't want to think or give himself a chance to fall back into self-pity. He wanted to do something. Before he knew it, he was standing outside in front of the graveyard gate. The sun had risen but the rays were shrouded through grey clouds. Swallowing, he gripped the gate and pushed it open. The metal squealed as it moved on the rusty hinges. His mind felt suddenly disconnected from his body. Why was he here? What was he doing? He didn't seem to care enough to stop himself. Everything just felt numb and distant.

Stepping into the graveyard, he closed the door behind him and walked along the gravestones. The chilly morning breeze felt nice on his flushed skin. The fresh air filling his stagnant lungs. Reaching the stone with a raven carved onto it, he stopped to look into the hole they'd dug up. Unequipping the stupid outfit for his normal adventuring gear. His pointed ears twitched as he heard a scuffle behind him, but he didn't care enough to turn around. His body didn't even process the concept of fear. All he felt was emotional pain. The soft scuffling drew closer to him, prompting him to say over his shoulder a bit lifelessly. "Are you Grimald? Or Richter?" There was a soft curious coo that drifted on the wind, allowing him to guess and say softly. "Richter? It's a nice name. I bet your mother picked it because it is a strong name. It's hard to find a mom that loves you as fiercely as yours does." Wiping a tear from his cheek, he mumbled out in a slightly broken voice. "It's horrible what happened to you and your brother. But... at least you have each other, right? Someone to share that pain with... You're lucky in that at least."