Kinnie analysis book!!

001 - Dazai

Personally, I relate to dazai pretty much in almost every aspect.

Both of us share almost the same view of life and death.

(I'll just explain how I feel in Dazai's aspects :) )

The world is just a big picture of black and white with maybe some colorful dots in the middle. It's meaning is unknown, and so is my reason to live. I don't wish to die, but neither do I wish to live. I'm more of a suicidal idealation than actually being suicidal, since I don't plan anything and wouldn't actually end my life, but would not care wether I died or not.
I have lost many people, they come and go.
I don't ever want to get attached to people, but in the end I still do. When I feel myself getting too attached to someone, I mostly end up leaving them before they can leave me to spare myself the pain with my abandonment issues.

Almost everything I achieve is due to my natural talents, though I also tend to use alot of people to get what I want.
I don't have the best past, neither do I have the worst.
I constantly invalidate my feelings by saying "It's fine, others have it worse." or joking around with my Trauma to other people. I don't take my trauma seriously, since my thoughts would be saying "That's weak. Why would you let yourself be vulnerable?".

I don't like the Idea of life as much as I dislike the Idea of death and pain.
Leaving the world without any pain would be my way to go, since a painful death only results in a slower death most likely, which would be unbearing.

I often also use people for my own benefits and manipulate people into thinking things and / or doing things I want, even though I don't really want to. It's been taught to me by many abusive relationships and friendships, and I can't get it out of my head.
I would use whatever sacrifice necessary to get what I want, even if it meant doing morally wrong things.
I use my body when necessary to get what I want If i was denied before and / or other methods did not work.

I usually push people away from my life, though I twnd to let some people into it.

I don't understand most of my emotions, and neither do i Understand things that are morally right or wrong.
I tend to put on a facade whenever I can so nobody can see me at my lowest, yet somedays it fails to work since some of my closer friends can see right through these acts. (In dazai's case; Oda.)

I've always shut out the world, ever since my Trauma started.

Some people come to me because "I can listen" and "Im always there for them" but the second they get better, they always left me. That's how it's always been. Even If we still have some kind of contact online, we never have any contact in real life. Which is why i started shutting out people and not trusting others easily, to avoid getting left alone again and used myself.

I tend to physically and emotionally harm myself aswell. (though this may not apply to Dazai in canon, I would like to think about the bandages and the facades dazai puts on, they could be an indicator of physical and emotional harm done to oneselves)