The tale of Zayra [in Review]

05. SHADOWS FROM THE PAST, LIGHTS TO THE FUTURE

||Extraterrestrial, come and take me
I want a planet to start over||

Extraterrestre - Eugenio Finardi

×~×~×

Loneliness? Emptiness? Is this what they're asking of me? I find myself wandering among the shadows of these dark emotions. I'm not sure if I can truly trust others or those who are close to me. I've closed my heart, as if it were a mysterious book that no one can read.

Perhaps it's better this way, at least I think so. Antony and I don't talk anymore; we've become strangers sharing the same space. I've reverted to the old Nerina, only this time she's stronger and more clear-minded. Always serious, cold, detached, arrogant, selfish, undisciplined, rude, and with a sharp tongue.

I've learned that to keep people away, sometimes you have to show your worst side, the most toxic and malicious one. I must make them hate me.

×~×~×

I start to play melancholically with my powers, forming imaginary circles while sitting on the bed. Usually, I keep this part of me hidden, but now that I know the truth, I feel like exploring it.

"Nerina," Bastet calls out to me, "come on, don't be down. Smile," she says, putting her paws on my face and pushing my cheeks to form a sort of smile. "Bastet, thank you, but no. Please don't," I say grumpily. "Alright," she responds, disappointed.

I soften and hug her. Thoughts continue to haunt me. I lie down on the bed, facing the usual ceiling that accompanies me in my thoughts. I close my eyes. I see my parents again and hear their words echoing in my head, then the image of Antony smiling at me.

"Ugh!! Why am I like this?!" I say angrily. "He's my best friend, the one who supports me and encourages me to do my best. Why would he betray me and hurt me?"

The thoughts continue to whirl in my head. Enough, that's enough now. I get up and shake off everything I just said. I look out the window: it's snowing.

Snow always manages, with its ability, to attract me like the carefully crafted threads of a spider's web. It hypnotizes me with its flakes falling lightly like feathers from a torn pillow, gracefully enchanting and captivating anyone who notices it. As if it wishes for the city to stop and admire its sovereign beauty: not even a car moves in its path, and people come out of their homes to enjoy the laughter of children playing in its mantle.

Cold and icy, it's always ready to create a path in me to lead me into my darkest paths, to immerse me in the world that belongs to me, but is still largely unknown.

"Bastet, let's go out," I order her. So, after covering myself with gloves, scarf, and heavy hat, she jumps on my shoulder, and we head towards the orphanage's entrance door.

×~×~×

I walk, quicken my pace, stroll, slide, run. I keep doing this for minutes. "What's wrong, Nerina?" the cat asks me. "Nothing. Why should there be something?" I respond, trying to hide my unease. "You're nervous and agitated, often distracted. Is it because of what your parents told you?" she asks.

"Well, it's not just that. It's strange to grow up without parents for a whole life, and then, one day, they appear out of nowhere telling you who you are and what you have to do," I admit angrily. "And don't think about it," Bastet says calmly, trying to comfort me.

If only it were easy; now I have to isolate myself from everyone to hide this secret burning inside me. You know "Frozen - the Frozen Kingdom" from Disney? Well, the song "For the First Time in Forever" sung by Anna and Elsa identifies with me. Sort of.