Nick and Charlie

Chapter 4

!TW - Panic Attack!

I walk with my eyes closed back and forth in the room I've found upstairs, holding my hands over my ears hoping to block out the sound. But that hardly helps. I feel my heart start to beat faster and faster. The air in the room starts to feel warmer and finally it feels like there is no oxygen left - I can't breathe. With my back against a wall, I slide down crying, with my legs against my chest and begin to hyperventilate and shake. I close my eyes and put my hands over my ears again. Just want to leave, what's happening? What should I do? Suddenly I feel a hand on my knee and panic more, I don't want to open my eyes.
"Charlie.." I hear a voice say quietly. I shake my head, not wanting to see Ben in front of me. My right hand settles on my chest and I start to drag it back and forth, hoping to get some air and stop hyperventilating - but nothing happens and the panic inside me grows even more. Someone tries to grab my hand but I quickly pull it back and then hide my face in both hands. I try to breathe, but I can't. The sweat is pouring and my whole body is shaking.
"shh, it's okay Charlie" I hear the same voice say. But now I hear the voice much more clearly and realize it's Nick. With red eyes and tears on my cheeks, I look up and meet his big beautiful brown eyes. The eyes I wanted to see before too. He looks very worried.
"Can I touch you?" He asked calmly. He knows I don't like people touching me at times like this as it makes me think back to Ben and what he did to me. Right now I'm not sure how to answer Nick's question. But after a while I look down at the floor, feel several tears coming and shake my head slightly.
"It's okay Charlie, we'll do what feels best for you" he replies and sits close next to me instead. "Can you try to take a few deep breaths and try to calm down a bit?" Nick says after a short while. I look at him and he smiles slightly. The smile he has is trying to hide his concern, I can clearly see that. But it is something he himself does not want to show. With a trembling body, I take a few deep breaths - inhale, exhale. Nick nods and smiles affirmatively at me after every breath I take.

Once I start to get control of my breathing, many different thoughts come into my head, but I try to shut them out as best I can. Slowly I put my head on Nick's shoulder. He kisses my head and gently removes the hair that hangs in my face.
"What happened?" Nick asks worriedly. Without any warning, the tears start to stream down my face and my whole body starts to shake again, worse than before. Nick pulls me into a loose and calm hug.
"I'm so-sorr-y" I manage to sob after a moment of silence. He takes his hand through my hair and replies "Don't be".

After a while I start to calm down again and break out of his hug. He kisses me lightly on the cheek before we sit there and look at each other for a while. When I look at Nick, I get tears in my eyes - He is such a wonderful person who is always there for me.
"Char.. do you want to go home?" he asks and I sit quietly for a while with my eyes on the floor. I then nod silently with tears in my eyes and an anxious body.

Back at Nicks house, he helps me up to his room, because I'm so incredibly tired after the panic attack. I lie down on the bed and he carefully puts the covers over me.
"I'll be downstairs, just let me know if you need me" Nick says. He kisses my forehead before leaving and closing the bedroom door after him.