You don't know a thing | Taylor Swift

Chapter 10

""Why Are You Single?" "Because the last one was a dick and I'm not stupid.""

Ava repeated, the two laughing on the couch, Taylor relating to that line.

"I think I'm going to use that the next time someone asks me about a breakup."

Taylor said as the special continued in the background, Ava laughed at this.

"You totally should, it's perfect, and Iliza would absolutely loose her mind, which I would love to see."

Ava told Taylor who laughed, they had been a lot happier since being reunited but neither of them would admit that to the other.

"She seems like a fun person I would love to meet her one day."

Taylor absent mindedly said, Ava laughed,

"Only if I get to meet Selena."

Ava gave Taylor an ultimatum,

"Deal."

Taylor said, her and Ava shaking hands before turning their attention back to the special that was playing.

"Before we get out of here, before we conclude this TED Talk..."

Iliza spoke, Ava loved this bit it was hilarious,

"Oh I love this part, it's so funny."

Ava spoke Taylor laughed, thinking this better be funny because the previous parts of the show had been funny. The whole ambulance thing had been brought up again with no explanation.

"Does everybody here watch Shark Tank?"

Iliza asked the crowd as large cheer being heard from the audience.

"So... All I want, all I want, is a live episode of Shark Tank. That's what I want. A live episode. It's a reality show. But if you watch it, you'll notice it's heavily edited, heavily produced, and what bothers me... is the presentations from the entrepreneurs are too polished."

Iliza started her bit, Ava waited for the part that got really funny, Taylor a little confused but she went with it.

"There's no grit to them. They come out like a fifth-grade Thanksgiving pageant. "The natives called it maize. We bottled it." I don't wanna see that, okay? I want to see you mess up. I wanna see you trip. Maybe you forget your words. Maybe you chip a tooth. I wanna see you crumble as an entity before my eyes. Only then will I tolerate you rising from the ashes with any degree of hubris. That's the way to consume American reality TV. The sheer schadenfreude of watching someone shit themselves on TV and then building them back up."

Ava started laughing, Taylor joining her, Taylor loved the sound of Ava's laugh but she wasn't quite sure why.

"That's what we like to see. Okay? These are cattle farmers from the middle of Iowa and they get in front of a camera and suddenly they're Winston Churchill? I don't buy it, okay? I speak for a living and even I mess up, so there's no way these two fucking dye jobs from ASU with, like, a new take on cookies, there's no way!"

Iliza spoke,

"She's right, I perform for a living and even I mess up sometimes."

Taylor said whilst still laughing, Ava laughed a little harder.

"Flawlessly orating. There are three archetypes of women that they like to have on Shark Tank. They love to have moms, because most of us have moms. But what's crazy and, like, creepy is that all the moms on Shark Tank have the exact same voice. It's a little Stepfordian. They all sound like this. "Hi, Sharks. My name's Nancy from Laguna Niguel and I've discovered a new way to get your toddler to eat their blueberries." Then they have really smart women. They do. They'll have brilliant women. But it seems that the smarter the woman, the longer the last name. Like, they'll hyphenate their last names. I can't stand hyphenated last names. If you're in this room and you've got a hyphenated last name, chop it in half! Okay? You're not Spanish royalty. Chop it! I barely care about your first name. Let alone the entire questionable heritage. When you have a hyphenated last name, all that makes me think is that mama was a big old strong lesbian and she didn't wanna give up her family inheritance so she begrudgingly married your father, now they have separate twin beds and are co-women's studies professors at Wellesley. It's also just so much information. I'm trying to hear you, your valuation, listen to the equity, and you're coming up there with a phonebook, like, "Hi, Sharks. My name's Michelle-Lida-Julia Freeman-Cereal." "And I'm Rebecca-Lynn-Stacey Fitzgerald-Yang. And together, we sound like five dudes." Like, it's a lot... of information. Are you inventors or a law firm? Like, what is that?"