I have no plans for this. No real ideas on what is going to be written or how often. Hell it's been like a week since I created the cover and I only just now have touched it again. It's going to be a low of rambling I think. Not a lot of things that are coherent and may not even make since.
Whenever I have a therapist they suggest I write down my thoughts or talk about my day in a journal. I've never been able to keep a journal. Journals make me feel guilty. They make me feel guilty because there is someone expecting me to do it and I want to do it but the pressure I create on myself makes it feel impossible so I don't end up doing it. Then when my therapist asks I'm so full of shame that I lie to them as if it actually matters. As if they will drop me as a patient if I don't do the things they suggest. It's a ridiculous and completely irrational thought but in my head I'm so certain that something bad will happen if I tell them I didn't do it.
That's why I'm doing this I think. This can be my own rules. I can add and subtract as I please and in all reality it's unlikely anyone will ever see it or care. I can scream at the world all I want and no one around me will know how much I need that. That's another irrational and ridiculous thing. I've so convinced myself that if I'm honest about the way I feel with the people around me then my feelings will be down played and I'll just end up hurt. Never mind the fact I spent years actively making a better support system then I've ever had before and I know that they wouldn't just let me fall apart.
Chapters are likely to be short. I'll be mostly writing on my phone when I feel the need to. Im not really Sure why I feel the need to explain that though. Im sure no one actually care how this is written. I thinks that's all I want to write for this one. I may go immediately into the next chapter and talk about some other things. It's going to be much more personal and dark and I don't think it works well with what I've written here.
That's all for now. Peace
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Cry For help
Документальная прозаTake two because I accidentally deleted this. Hi to any of my friends who still use Wattpad. It's been a long time hasn't it and this isn't a way to reach out. Hi to the strangers. This will be a sort of diary for me. Don't expect a story or a...
