ughhhhhhhhhh
I'm literally like gehwhadbhf. I don't want to do anything rn, I want to lay down and just stay there. It would be absolutely AMAZING if i could do that.
I started crying over a song about body image (I think that's what it's about) anyway, i hate my chest sm. it's uncomfortable, makes my back hurt AND I have a skin thing from it as well that won't go away.
I don't want to do school anymore, it's so uncomfortable when people look at me. This girl named Zoey was eyeing me and then told me I should go do the roshambo thing or whatever. I can't even tell like if she was judging or anything because my understanding of tone is so BAD.
it's the 29th of august at 4:33 just so future me knows :3 (or anyone who reads this because I think my dad is gonna go through my stuff again. so fun!!)
I wanna cut myself again but like I have nothing to do it with other than knives. And those are in the kitchen so I can't even access them easily!! ughhhh.
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it's 8:00 pm now, august 30th. My day was good, but my sisters birthday is tomorrow and she is being INSUFFERABLE. right now. I dislike her. I started a story today and finished my book called Solitaire by Alice Osemen. It got triggering at the end and made me almost cry a few times, then i laughed because a guy kissed a girl after she wanted to khs 😭
I'm thinking I have a crush on this girl Abby but idk. She's really funny and we get along. Anyway, I'm doing this to keep track of my mental health between counselling appointments ig. I have one Friday and I'm excited. She's really nice!! Last night I didn't want to wake up in the morning and I was tempted to start collecting my pills but like. It'll take a lot to kms on anti-anxiety 😝.
I'm getting excited for school kind of; cause I have good friends now. It's not Heidi anymore really, we talk sometimes though!! Mainly I hang with Jeli, Madison, Abby, Karen and Berenice. They're all so nice. I also hangout with Brendon and Olliver!! Olliver is a bit odd but Brendon dude 😻. HES SO SILLY!!/pos WE GET ALONG WELL, AND LIKE. LIKE HES SWEET. I think he likes a girl named Valerie still though:( which is ok!! Valerie is so nice, very cool girl! She complimented my bracelet a few days ago.
that's probably all for now:3 I love :3 sm. so silly!! (insert tbh creature.)
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it's the 31st, my sisters b-day. It's 8:00 am, I'll probably add more later but right now everything's going ok!! No thoughts of relapsing or killing myself, so we're all good. I'm on the bus listening to Moth Man by Dirty Bynum. My counselling is tomorrow so I leave school an hour early!! Yahoo!! I'll add more after school:3
its after school now, 3:37 pm; girls are screaming along with the song and its pissing me off!! Abby and I are sitting next to each other like usual, Brendan is across from me. Both of them had a bad day so I'm trying to help out. Brendan is playing with a toy i let him use; the noise is nice. Abby and i are listening to music together. It's fun. GOD ABBY IS SO ASGAGAGWGAH/positive. I love being around her because she's so goofy.
ok update. It's 6:46 and I'm eating dinner; I'm so uncomfortable. I don't like ANY of the food and my grandma made some fish that I hate. I don't like sea food, I've said that. I don't like the salad because there's so much ranch, the only thing I've eaten is the rice shit and it's not even filling or good. I wanna puke. I may make myself, but I don't like throwing up. My friend liked my story, which was nice.
another update. I tried throwing up, didn't work. couldn't gag myself enough even with a toothbrush jammed down my throat. Yay.
I'd admit myself to a mental hospital today, but I have hot girl shit to do. and I'd get behind on school work:3
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ok so I missed a day. but it's the 2 of sep. oopsie!!!/j I had a good day though. I just got a shit ton of dvds:3 not much to say really. my mom gave me cds!! yahoo!!:3
