Put Me First

Prologue

Mariana

I never thought it would come to this.

I never believed he'd push me to this point. Push us to this point - the summit of irreversibility.

In a world of deception and shallow affiliations, growing up encircled by the upper echelon, my young self swore to herself that she'd never marry for others. Never for connections. And never for convenience. But always for love.

That version of myself believed respect and devotion could solve anything. And in the first few years of marriage, she was thriving. She was naive, but she was content. More than content, she was flourishing.

By her husband's side, everything felt perfect. Her heart was full and throbbing with adoration.

Before it crumbled.

Before it began to splinter her insides. Before he did nothing to mend it, only shattered it entirely.

"We can fix this, Mon Soleil," he murmured into my hair. His chest was firm against my trembling back as I attempted to control the tears streaming down my face.

His familiar and warming scent engulfed me, and only reminded me of how much I'd missed it in the plentiful days he hadn't been home. Too busy with his work to pay me any mind. To even call and ask how I'd been.

My gaze dropped to the jagged fragments of clay still on the floor, the sight ripping me in two.

"We can't," I sobbed quietly. "We're ruined. You ruined us. You ruined me."

Before my legs could give out from despair, his strong arm caught me by the waist, holding me up against him as he whispered in my ear.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," his voice cracked. "Please tell me what to do to fix this. Please don't give up on us."

The feel of his soft lips brushing my lobe only made me cry harder.

My eyes screwed shut and I shook my heavy head, feeling the impending migraine. "There's nothing you can do," I whispered. "You know why? Because you gave up on us long before I did."

Instead of staggering back like I imagined, his grasp on me tightened and I wondered if he could feel my pain. If it was fierce enough to seep through our clothes and into his skin. Into his heart that seemed to have no space for me anymore.

I hoped so. I hoped he could feel even an ounce of what I had to endure these past years.

Every cold shoulder. Every evaded kiss. Every night I slept alone in our bed that felt too big, too empty for only one person.

"I never... I never gave up on us, Mari. I would never," he rasped, hurt evident in his voice.

I almost laughed.

When did everything go to shit?

I was so blinded by my love for him that I always, always brushed off his negligence of our marriage. Of me. Always made excuses for him when he wouldn't even bother.

He made innumerable mistakes during our time together.

But the biggest one?

He never put me first.