Today is the Day

Doctors Orders

Today I found out that I have to take medicine on a daily basis now. That's awesome.

Its been about five or six months since then. Where has that gotten me. No where. I still have depression, the medicine doesn't help. And everyone thinks I'm fine.

I'm not fine. Today is June 16, 2015. I had a mental breakdown that caused me to cry for an hour straight. Want to know what caused it? Well so do I.

That's a perk of having depression. You get sudden waves of sadness, and you don't know where they come from. They just hit you, like a speeding car at an intersection. Everything happens so fast, you don't now where it came from, you didn't see it coming. You looked both ways before crossing. It seems as if it appeared out of thin air.

I don't know what caused it, I just want to be left alone. But no one understands that. I told someone a basic version of what I was going through, and that I didn't know why it happened. I told him I probably wouldn't answer, I just wanted to be left alone. He asked why. I haven't answered him. For the sole purpose that I don't want to blow up on him.

Along with depression, I have OCD, ADHD, and severe anger issues. So I've never been "alright" in the head.

I move around a lot too. I've moved over 13 times. I've lost count so I don't know an exact number. I've lived in 5 different states. Moving is a main part of why I got depression.

If you've ever moved as much as I have, you know its hard to keep friends. Really hard. And losing so many of my friends also made my depression worse.

I have only ever had one serious boyfriend. We've been together almost 6 months. And that's a goal for me. Ive always been left for someone better. That's definitely a real self esteem booster! Not. But we got into a fight last night and the things he said hurt a lot. It still hurts now. Almost a full day later. It still hurts. And this isnt the first time I've been hurt by him. Being hurt, repeatedly, by the only person that makes you happy, can really make you rethink things. Like why you're with them. He's the best thing thats ever happened to me, but I've only just begun my life. Maybe its time to move on. Rethink everything.