Honestly, I don't think this thing is for me.
I don't think I'm enough to love.
I don't think I ever looked at myself and thought I am enough to be loved.
I'm not good looking enough, not mature enough, and really I just have nothing to be loved for.
I feel like all I want is to be loved as "unconditionally" as I do, but at the same time I don't want anyone to be "loved" by me, because it's annoying to be loved like this, and it's just too much.
Whenever I love, i make so many mistakes that I only realize after It's over.
I'm guessing it's because whenever I never get answers to all the questions I have in my mind, maybe because I don't have the courage to ask them, or because I don't deserve to get the answers, I should find out what's wrong by myself, and not wait for the answers.
But at the same time, communication should be key, and I hate when someone doesn't communicate enough.
Even though It's me who doesn't communicate enough a lot of times.
Nowadays it's not even the fact that I don't communicate enough, I don't even communicate at all really.
I don't tell how my day was to anyone, thinking that if they'd care they'd ask, and even if they ask, I don't give anything really, because I can't say it was shitty, because then they ask why, and I can't just answer I don't know.
I don't really ask anyone to do something anymore, because If they'd care they'd ask, and why should I be the one searching for everyone's company, when nobody wants mine. Even though this resorts in me being alone a lot more than I'm used to, and it's a scary fact, but I guess i got to learn how to live with it.
It's kindof okay though, I am fine alone, atleast I think.
It wouldn't hurt to have company, but I'm not going to go out of my way of looking for it, because I don't feel like I deserve it, and
If they'd care, they'd ask.
