Secretly Obese

nothing good ever came from constantly arguing with moas and insulting other groups. I should've minded my own business and focused on my own problems, yet there i was, writing my third comment of the day about fat-shaming Yeonjun, although his body and looks were something I could only dream of having.
That's right.
I was overweight, yet I always made remarks and criticized others with a better build than me. But, no one would discover my true appearance, right? That wasn't something I needed to worry about.

I rested on my bed like any other day, and let myself be absorbed by my crumb infested sheets. My daily routine was basic and unchanging.

Eat a purely sugar breakfast? Check.
Insult TXT and fight with their fandom? Check.
Stay in bed all day? Check.
Rant about my insecurities and mental health to my online friends because i'm a loser that lacks real ones? Check.
Slit and then have meltdowns over every negative aspect of me? (that is, if there are good ones.) Check.
Cry myself to sleep? Check.

I grew old of my lifestyle, yet I never put in any effort to try and reverse it. It left me no choice but to learn to accept it.

As I said: I'm currently writing a comment on Yeonjuns weight, provoked by a MOA that insulted Changbin, by calling him big.
You should worry about Burgerjun, he can't even dance because of all that fat.

While typing, I glanced down at my loose stomach that Id been struggling to make room for in my pants. My mother always told me she'd buy me larger clothes, though her promises were never fulfilled.

I then saw the reply the MOA gave me.
Why we are we acting like Slitlix can dance too?
It gave me the perfect opportunity to snark back, I quickly placed my chubby fingers on the keyboard and hurried to type my response.
Girl— let's not act like you don't stan Slitjun :/

I then stared at the screen proudly, sure that this would gag them. Exactly like how I gag on those burgers.
But, I was returned with a shocking reply, a reply that made paralyzed me temporarily, a reply that filled me with confusion.

":/" Is that the pattern of your slits kendra? we all know what you do in your free time.

My eyes were glued to the screen for an unknown duration, but, for sure a long one. Multiple thoughts racing in at a speed surpassing my understanding, It felt like I was placed in a dark cave surrounded with multiple openings, those multiple openings were my conclusions, though only a certain one could lead me out to safety, and I had no damn clue which one was correct.

Surely, I was just overthinking a normal comment, right? it's not like this random fucker i'm having an immature argument with online somehow tracked me down and is monitoring my every move. I was always one to make bold assumptions, and this was by far my worst.

I decided to side with the saftest, most logical answer I could squeeze out. The user just commented about my habits without being sure, but with hope that I did actually slit.

I decided to leave the comment untouched, and continue my endless scrolling till I pass out. Not daring to check up on my inbox, but, I decided to stalk my own page out of boredom.

I started checking out my friends only posts, and saw a particular one, suddenly, everything made sense, conclusions started flying in again, and my curiosity was rising harder than before.

It was a friends only picture I posted, It was a front picture of me holding up my wrists, though they were covered, but, If that was the opposite.. it would be quite traumatizing for my mutuals.

There we go, I was most likely just overthinking again, there's no way a moa had access to that video.
The thoughts came flooding in again, and the waves were too strong.
Are my mutuals betraying me?
Did someone hack my account?
Did I accidentally post it publicly?
Did I mutual a MOA without knowing?
Did I post it on another account?

My thoughts were infinite, endless, like the process of attempting to draw a perfect circle, or as endless as a circle is.

I took a glance of my wrist, a shameful one. As I let regret swallow me, I've heard countless stories about being buried alive, and my daily life was no different than that. I was alive, but not living. It felt like I was being suffocated, unable to move, yet I was still here, awaiting my last breath.

My wrists, how did this even happen?

* FLASHBACK

"You're late to class again, Kendra." That strict voice humiliated me, It was my teacher, Miss Hwi92@€]#. I tried to keep my composure while the  attention of all the students was fixated on me.

"I'm sorry miss.. I was having breakfast." nothing could prepare me for the amount of laughter that emitted from the classroom, the mocks, the giggles, they ringed in my head, sweat clung onto my skin, my hands started trembling.

I couldn't take it anymore, I bursted out the door without warning, and hurried to the bathroom, to possibly puke.

But then..