Deep in my Heart, Mind, Body, and Soul

Deep in my heart, I hate you
Deep in my heart, you disgust me
Deep in my heart, you hurt me
Deep in my heart, I know you aren't mine

The way your eyes sparkle
The way your teeth shine
The way you stumble over your words
The way you walk with such confidence

It all brings me joy
It all brings me peace
It all makes butterflies fill my stomach
It all makes me want you

I know the way I see you is one-sided
I know the way I feel is not shared
I know you look at another and smile
I know you see me as "A friend"

But no matter how much I know, my feelings don't change
My love for you stays the same
My need for your attention stays the same
My lust for you stays the same

How could I ever get over you
It's too much to let go
Your smile, your laugh, your personality, YOU
I can't let you go

My love sits so deep in my heart
But soon it turns into more
My love isn't just love anymore
It is so much stronger

My love is obsession
My obsession with you spread like wildfire
I no longer just love you I desire you
I need, want, desire, yearn for you

My love turned from obsession to hated
Not hatred for you but hatred for my feelings
Hatred for how much you don't want me
Hatred for.. For.. Myself

I don't understand why
I hated you, at least I think I did
Well, not really you but something about you
I don't get it

I hated you but now I feel nothing
I don't feel anything, I feel numb
I don't love you, I do not want you
I don't feel anything for you

Deep in my heart, I have no feelings for you
We are nothing but friends
But you don't feel that way do you
You feel for me

That's funny to think about
When I pour my heart out into my mirror you feel nothing
But once my heart grows and matures
Yours is still its young immature self

Deep in my heart, I don't feel for you
Deep in my heart, our spark is gone
Deep in my soul, there is a candle
Deep in my soul that candle flickers.

Deep in my heart, mind, body, and soul,
You are my first love even if we were never together
I will never forget that
But some things don't last forever

This poem is ass but I needed to write sum like why tf I make this poem so bipolar this shit could have been separated lowkey but whatever.