Forever and ever, my dearest

Why do I feel devastaded, now you are gone?

Gil Chae's personal point of view, after learning Lee Jang-Hyun has passed away

I'm sitting in the dark, away from everything and everybody. It's so strange to realize the world has changed to me, knowing I will never see you again... Precisely now, I had realized you mean more to me than I ever imagined...
How can I miss you so much when we spent most of our time together arguing, when you could read me like no one else...
And now, here I am. Feeling so sorry for all the stupid and childish things I told or did to you. All because I was too proud to see the man in you and to recognize how attracted I was to you and you messed you my will and my feelings. You are my dearest. You are the man of my dreams, the one I longed for so long... If only I had known... I only we could have been together once, all could have be so, so different.
I miss you so, so much. The tought of not having you around, treating me like a woman and not a porcelain doll, daring to flirt and to kiss me, making me feel some strange yet pleasant feelings, I never felt before... Oh, if only I could turn back time.

But all I have now is a box with your porcelain belongings and the taste of your lips on mine... the scent of your skin and your hands pressing mine, against your chest, next to your heart, pounding like mine was..
If only you knew about my dreams with you... our kisses, our love confessions, our moments together undressing, kissing and exploring each other's bodies.
That, I never told Jong Jong. No. That I kept to myself and, everytime I felt your gaze on me, oh my poor heart... your smile, teasing me, making me wish I could slap you, so you could kiss me, like a passionate man would do.
But now, how will I keep living without our rivalry? Our constant need to argue and make up, kiss and tease each other?
Why couldn't you be like any other man? With a regular life, devoting yourself to me like all the men in the village? Why did you have to be so untamed? So mysterious and willing to leave, unable to read my sadeness everytime I'd see you cross the horizon, believing you were more necessary elsewhere, than by my side?
Why couldn't you read my eyes, instead of listening to my stupid words?
Couldn't you see I spent do many hours waiting for you, that I had a special glow everytime we met or that I felt as hot as you did, when we were close?
So, now, what will I do without you, my dearest? My dreams misled me, made me believe we were destined to be together forever.
If you are not here, if I can't live with the hope of seeing again, what more can I expect but a dull, loveless life?
Perhaps we are meant to meet again on that beach, of my dreams, when I die.
Do you believe in that, my love?
Was that what you were trying to tell me, all this time?
But I can't go, not now... but once my father leaves, why not?
I have nothing else keeping me here and only the hope of being with you will give me the strength to carry on and do what I still have to do.
Until then, we will meet on the beach.
Please, meet me there tonight, and the following nights... If I am destined to live a numb life, let me at least feel alive at night, when I can finally be with you.
Wait for me on the beach... I'll meet you there, as soon as I can...