Aestivation

the stem

Tap tap tap
My shoes went

Black and stiff it went tap
Against the white floors

Solid yet worn out
It continued

As the lesson droned on
Back of the room near the window

A new day
Another day
Another day for me to wait out.
Slowly lazing away doing the same thing until something changes

I feel like I'm being strung along

But something keeps me going

Oh delighted.

I simply keep myself awake at night just to think about it

It feels so warm and painful
I can just think of tightening my hands around it
I can have it against me
It'd struggle against me and hurt me
It'd taste so sweet

Strange abnormal thoughts seep through the folds of my cerebrum

It feels orgasmic
It wasn't always this way

It first was annoyance

He would always make shit up about me
For no reason

It was annoying but it wasn't anything bad

But things escalated
The boy cried wolf

And the dog was blamed for it
Next thing I knew
No one looks my way

I hated him now
I hated him so much

That day I remember it

It was morning
I called out to my friend
In the hall
Taking his notebooks out of his locker

He looked at me awkwardly
And told me he had something to do

I wondered why

I thought nothing of it
And just took my stuff from my locker

And went off to class
I had nothing to do at the time

And I'd rather wait in class
Though it hasn't started yet

And when it began
People began flooding in

Chattering amongst themselves
And occasionally looking at me

I paid no mind to it
And just left it

But it became hard let it go unnoticed
The whole morning felt awkward

It was weird
I felt that each stare and each adjective that I caught

Was somehow directed at me
I noticed my friend wasn't even looking at me

Even he was ignoring me

At lunch
It became clear to me

I somehow had done something

After getting my friend alone
I talked to him

I asked him what happened

He said a rumor spread
That I had done something to Clarence

Clarence
He'd done this

I told him I didn't do it

He said he knows I didn't do it
But he just doesn't want to be seen with me

I asked him why
But he kept silent

And just walked away

By the afternoon things got worse
Many people
Said
And claimed I'd done the same thing to them as I'd done to Clarence