It was a beautiful day in New York City. However all would not be well. An elderly lady in the park was sitting on a bench. All of the sudden a wild beast with white wings came charging out of nowhere. The old woman screamed and the beast bit off her left leg.
A 14-year-old boy who witnessed the attack yelled "holy shit what a fucking beast!" All the adults nearby were in shock. One lady yelled "call 911."
The local 12:00 News was wild that day.
"Hello I'm Jen Hen and this is your local news at noon. Residents of New York City are in shock and panic as this wild animal [cut to scene of photo] which is unidentified and brutal hit the streets of New York City today. It bit and tore the leg off and elderly woman."
"One of the eyewitnesses was a 14-year-old boy named Terry Tamar."
The camera goes to a blond boy with a Gwar T-shirt and black bracelets.
"I was running down the park and this poor old lady was attacked by this evil beast with white wings. It was a bad motherfucker."
[Back to Jen Hen]
Jen said "oh no that wasn't edited out when he said the m-f word."
Jen's co-host Raymond Curtis said "that kid was dressed like a head banger."
The woman's identity was soon discovered by local news sources.
Calista Kearns, 67.
Soon it made national news that this happened. Photos of the unidentified beast that looked like a wolverine but had two white wings on its back were everywhere.
Inside the home of Russell and Dina Blinds there was grumpiness. Dina said "could you believe the news today?"
Russell said "oh a wolverine got loose. This is not some weird creature from outer space."
Dina asked "do wolverines have big white wings on their backs?"
Russell answered "no but according to some kid dressed like a rock star it had wings."
Dina said "well now days some people hardly wear anything."
Russell yelled "just get me my Goddamn dinner!"
All of the sudden a loud crash is heard and Russell and Dina's living room window shatters.
A beast yelled "I'm the angel of scum" and he began singing Saddam A-Go-Go.
After that he ate Dina and Russell.
THE END
