Until we meet again (Karlnap)

Chapter 10|confessions

(Sapnaps POV)

Song suggestion-Forth of July
Sufjan Stevens

"The sunrise here is the prettiest around"
I whisper quietly into his ear

"That's why you brought me here isn't it?"
He says I can hear his voice trembling I feel my heart drop now knowing he'd been crying

"Love are you alright? What's wrong you can tell me we can fix thi-"
I say concerned backing away keeping my hands on his shoulders but I get cut off by him

"Sapnap we can't fix this."
He says a look of defeat in his eyes as his color drains from his face

"Yes we can you just have to tell me what's wro-"
I say getting cut off again

"Honey we can't fix this I have to leave or I'll lose my job Jimmy will fire me"
He says with his voice trembling

"You'll only be gone a couple of weeks then you can come right back here"
I say trying to reassure him fighting back my own tears a couple slipping and falling down my cheeks seeing him like this hurt me seeing him hurt makes me want to protect him from anything that's even remotely upsets him but I cant.

"Sapnap it's wont just be a couple of weeks"
He pauses staring into my eyes my vision beginning to blur from the new tears forming

"It'll be almost a year before I see you again"
He mutters out his voice trembling and he pulls me back into a tight hug

"No"
I pause feeling like I've been hit by a bus

"You can't be telling the truth"
I say feeling a now steady flow of tears streaming down onto my nose then falling onto my cheeks

"I am."
He mumbles he puts his head into the crook of my neck

"I can't do this without you that long"
I mumbled sobbing into his neck
I don't know what I'll do without him

"I know love,I know everything's gonna be alright eventually"
He says calmly tears still falling down his cheeks his eyes now red

It won't be fine if he's not here I'm gonna go into a downspiral I'm going to get worse again I'm going to go back to where I was before I ever met him he helped me i love him more than I can put into words I don't think I'll be able to make it that long without him but I guess

*****
4PM same day

I handed Karl the hoodie of mine he'd worn this morning
"Here,take this with you"
I say sighing my eyes hurting from where the both of us had been crying

I don't know how I'm keeping myself together right now but I hope I'm able to for him

"Here love"
He says to me god I just want to melt when he calls me that he passes me one of his hoodies which I slip on

I sigh closing my eyes feeling a deep pulling at my heart I fight tears but it's a losing battle I don't even know why I try

"Would I be able to come visit you?"
I ask him as he walks over infront of me snaking his arms around my waist

"Jimmy wouldn't let you we won't be staying in one place long at all maybe two weeks at most"
He says leaning in planting a gentle kiss on my temple

"Karl"
I say hugging him my voice trembling

"Yeah?"
He replies I can tell he's on the verge of breaking down again also

"I don't know if I'll-"
I pause
"If I'll be able to make it that long"
I sigh digging my head into his chest

"You saved me and now I'm losing you I'm terrified of what's to come"
I say my voice muffled by my head being buried in his chest

"I don't want to leave"
He says I can hear the pain in his voice

"I don't want you to have to leave either"
I choke out through tears god it feels like a big weight has been dropped on me to carry

"I know love, I know I'm so sorry"
He says gently rubbing my back still hugging me

"I love you Karl"
I mumble into his chest

"I love you too Sapnap"
He whispers into my ear

I can't do this.

—————————————————————————
Ok now I want to cry thanks for 34 reads though