The Choking Kind

8 - Jameson

After taking a drive to clear my head, I grabbed my stack of papers and spread them out in front of me. One by one, I slowly made my way through each boring assignment until my fingers were cramped and the sun had set behind the other homes across the road.

Grabbing a bottle of beer from the kitchen counter, I made my way to the bay window in my living room and took a long swig as I watched the all too familiar brunette in the house directly in front of mine. Her curtains would open like clockwork when I'd arrive home, and she'd watch me as if I was an animal in a cage placed here for her amusement. Of course, I let her, never bothering to draw my blinds. I had nothing to hide. Besides, it was better than the alternative, being alone.

I continued to sip from the bottle, my throat burning as I turned away from her display. My mind was preoccupied with someone else.

I sank down on my couch and turned on the television, letting the noise fill the background as I continued to drink. I pulled up Sadie's profile on Reveal and clicked to the next entry, and began to read until I couldn't hold my eyes open, and the words started to blur.

...I wonder if he knows how much I miss him when he's gone. I wonder if he misses me. Some days, I wish I'd never let him steal my heart. I didn't know he wouldn't give it back. I'm nothing without it, without him.

It was to me, PeepingThomas. I fought the urge to send her a message when I noticed another entry, also to me... as her teacher. It offered me little solace to know she was as tormented as I was.

My heart would shatter into a million pieces if he would just look at me and smile. I am becoming obsessed, Like he's been planted in my mind. I can feel it growing deep in my subconscious, consuming my thoughts. I see it in him too. It grows in the dark... Our secret. I want to confront him, tell him to release me from whatever spell he's put me under. But fortune favors the brave, and I was weak.

***

I awoke a half-hour late with my head thumping and the light blinding me through the living room window. My thoughts were drowning in liquor and Sadie. My memories of the past contorted and warned me of future heartache. I couldn't let the past repeat itself. I knew better than to let myself get close to anyone, especially her.

Istripped and ran through the shower as quickly as I could in hopes of wakingmyself up. I was on auto-pilot, but I knew my students wouldn't notice. In the senioryear, they barely acknowledged anything. They've already checked out and arewaiting for college. It was the perfect job for someone like me.

***

I decided a quiz would be the best way to keep from aggravating my headache any further as I pretended to work on my laptop.

I was almost feeling like myself when the fourth period rolled around. Sadie entered with a scowl but refused to look at me as she dropped a stack of books on her desk with a loud thud causing my head to thump in response. She looked just as worn out as I felt, and I wondered if Jordon or her mother had caused any more problems for her last night... or if the fact that I'd stopped responding to her online was hurting her as much as it was hurting me.

I handed out the quizzes and slid back into my desk chair, praying the room would stop spinning long enough for me to make it through the day. Jenny's desk was empty, and I was glad I had an unobstructed view of Sadie. It was hard to ignore the girl in the front row who would where mini skirts and spread her legs under the desk, glancing up at me with a seductive smirk. But now that she was gone, I couldn't help but glance in that direction to watch Sadie, who was lost in a paperback called Taunt, with her hand resting on her cheek, her lip pulled between her teeth. Every so often, the tip of her pink tongue would jut out and run over her peachy lips. Eli was desperately trying to get her attention, but she ignored him like she did every day.