Scar // Mid90s fanfic

XII

I stood outside Fuckshit's house. His parent's car weren't there but his was. I knocked the door before walking in like I usually did.

"Fuckshit?" I called.

"Who is it?" I heard him call back weakly from his room.

I went up there and went to open the door when it opened.

"Who-" He cut himself off when he saw me.

His eyes widened at the sight of me. He seemed to he focused on the bruises mostly but also noticed the amount of weight I lost. He had also become skinner and had eye bags under his eyes.

"The fuck happened to you?" He said softly, "Ray said you took off..."

"Ray says lots of things..." I pushed past him.

He closed the door and sat on his bed as I stood in front of him.

"Have you been sleeping?" I said slowly.

"Not much...what bout you? You looked like you've been in a train wreck" He commented.

I rolled my eyes and folded my arms.

"Why are you here?" He sighed, "I thought you didn't want fuck all to do with me!"

"I didn't" I sat against the closet, "That's more a me issue than something you did though..."

It fell silent, none of knew what to say.

"I wasn't at my aunt's Fuckshit..." I admitted.

"I know..."

"I was at a hospital...I say hospital but it was more a psych ward..."

"A psych ward? For what?" He sat on the edge of the bed with his elbows.

"The crash...my mom died in it..."

"What?" His whole face changed.

"And I was so guilty I tried to od...a nurse found me and they sent me away for a year..."

"What?" He repeated, his eyes turning sad.

"When I said if I didn't go away I wouldn't be here...that's why..." I made eye contact with him and was immediately heartbroken by his expression.

"W-What? Why? The fuck" He stammered.

"And I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry..."

"Are you ok now?"

I looked at him with the 'what do you think look' and he took a breath in.

"Fuck..." He breathed.

I stood up and sat beside him, his eyes were fixed on mine with a saddened look. He had no idea what to do or say.

"It's not that dramatic...nothing to worry about..." I shrugged.

I looked away from him and then something caught my eye. A needle on his bedside.

"You doing needles now?" I turned to him and stood up.

"Life's hard" He shrugged his shoulders and pushed his curls behind his shoulders.

"So you deal with it by using needles?"

"I don't expect you to understand..."

"I don't! You of all people know how much this could fuck you up!" I exclaimed as he stood up, "You were friends with Jacob and you know what happened to him!"

"Yes I know! I also know it stopped him from thinking!"

"Thinking about what?!"

"You!" He said without realising he said it.

When it hit though he just stood there with a dumb look on his face. He also mustve had the 'there's no way I can make this worse look so imma keep going' mindset.

"You don't understand how hard it is to love someone who you feel like you can't?! I'm scared nigga! I'm so fucking scared!" He ranted, pushing his hair back.

I stood there wide eyed and my jaw dropped. He clenched his teeth and stood there staring at me.

"What the fuck..." I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose and taking a few steps to the side, "Are you high right now?!"

"No"

"What the fuck..." I repeated, taking a breath and starting to pace.

Every mexican woman I know starts doing this, at least in my family. I just didn't know I had started doing it which kind of freaks me out.

"Stop fucking pacing!" He grabbed my arms.

"You love me?"

"That's what I just said wasn't it?" He sighed cockily.

I stood there staring at the boy for a minute, unable to find what to do or say. So I did what felt right.

I leaned forward quickly and pressed my lips against Fuckshit's. He took this and wrapped his arms around my waist. I put mine behind his neck.

I have never heard him say anything along the lines of love. Not to his parents, his friends, his other girlfriends. Never.

He carefully laid me down on his bed and started to kiss down my neck. He detached his lips and looked at me, a small smile on his face as the curls fell down, creating almost like a wall.

"You're so beautiful..." He said softly as I tucked his hair behind his ear.

"Wish I could say the same for you" I teased, smiling.

He laughed and went back to kissing me.

-

We led beside each other under the blankets. My head was rested on his chest and his arm was around me.

"I really do love you Keira..." His thumb rubbed up and down my arm.

"I love you too Olan..."

And that was the first time I had said it to someone other than Ray.