Mind Me

Chapter One

I hadn't had time to process the fact that I'd shot my boyfriend with the same gun I'd stolen from his own father. 

I did have time to think about the morals of it all, though. Not the murdering part. The stealing part. I, for one, think stealing is a strong word. I mean, initially, I had taken the lockbox, sure. Did I spend an entire day and one whole sleepless night trying to crack it open in my dorm room, while simultaneously watching my sleeping roommate with the eyes of a hawk? Well... yeah.... but I didn't watch her because I was worried she'd catch me in the unproductive act. I'd stared holes into her out of fear she was fake-sleeping, waiting for me to let my guard down so that she could strike at a moment's notice.

If psychosis were a person, I'd be that person. 

I was wholly convinced everyone I knew had been psychopaths ready to axe murder me. My roommate, as it turns out, was actually asleep. And, fun fact, she was human too. A regular human being that had no idea I would have shot her the second she rolled over in her sleep. If only I could open the box, that is. She would've been another casualty to my insanity, and she had no idea. I did feel bad about that part. I also kind of worried about my state of mind after she'd rolled over. It was the strangest thing. I'd been hunched over the box, trying to crack it open, and I spotted movement a very short distance away. My whole body, already on edge, froze, as the breath left me in a stifled woosh.

I immediately decided to use the box as a weapon. I thought about how if I hit at just the right angle, the metallic corner would definitely do an appropriate amount of damage. I saw my old scarf to the left, hanging where I'd left it on our shared night stand. I was going to bash her head in and use the scarf to suffocate her, because I knew that - human or not - they could die if they didn't have oxygen. I didn't know if this was true for all of them, but for the ones I'd been running headfirst into lately, I was certain.

But then, she just... kept sleeping. I crept closer and kicked her bed, then ran back to mine.

I couldn't get the lockbox to open because I am not, fun fact, a good lock picker. I actually thought I could be, too, after watching a few harmless tutorials on mute. It seemed almost too easy, and that was the catch. If it's too easy, then it takes a certain kind of person to do it. I firmly believed that if something is too easy, then not everyone could do it, even the smartest of people, even the most skilled of hands. I deduced I was just too smart for such simplistic methods, when I knew that it had been the exact opposite. Either way, I ended up having to go back to Leo's house in search of keys. 

I was acutely aware that I looked like a danger to society, and people gave me questioning glances from the bus stop all the way across town. I told myself it was valid they were looking at me. I wasn't very presentable in the moment, even using public transportation. The morning's patrons were poshly dressed and elderly, those who wanted to regain some semblance of independence by using the trolly instead of utilizing their already paid drivers. They looked so well dressed that it was an honest crime what was happening with fashion this day. Nobody wore a purple-plaid trench coat and adorable fluffy hat quite like an old woman who knew she was a boss. They'd even bring their pets, cute little dogs wearing bejeweled collars. Their dogs were probably more expensive than my tuition. Meanwhile, I looked like I belonged on the other side of town, where there are normal bus stops with normal busses and not a windowless, jingling little thing with a too cheery driver. When they looked at me, though, I contemplated how I might go about killing them, too. I even side eyed the poor dogs because, after the crazy things I'd seen and experienced lately, I wouldn't put it past dogs to be the bad guys either.