~My last letter to Adelia

"Dear Adelia,
My dearest Adelia,
There's so much I need to say.
There's so much I wish I could've told you.
There's so much I regret like leaving you on that bridge,
There's so much I remember of that day.

Adelia, you need to know I loved you. No, that'd be a lie. I love you. I have always loved you, ever since the day our hands touched briefly. Do you remember it, Adelia? It was busy, you were walking past and brushed my arm. Your hands were smooth, and cold. I could've held them for hours.

Adelia, we use to write letters all the time, it was your idea, really. You would beg me all day to write one, because you missed talking to me when I went away on my travels, which, even I will admit, happened far too frequently. I was so immersed in my work, Adelia. I was so fascinated about what was miles away, and I stopped noticing what, and who, I saw in front of my very eyes.

You were there, you always were. Thinking back, I can remember all the times I saw you with out thinking about it. The farmers market, or when I was out with collie,or when I ran after Princess. You must've thought me a fool, for chasing after a girl who wanted nothing to do with me. I ran, didn't I? I ran down that road, calling her name, begging for her to come back... But she never did. She's settled down in the South of Canada, with a husband and children. You told me to leave her be, didn't you? You told me that once a girl has made up her mind, it would take a lot to try and change that.

We knew ourselves, but did we? We had favourite colours and hobbies and names, but we change as we grow. If you were to meet up with a childhood friend, you'd find everything about them had changed, except their eyes. God, Adelia, your eyes. I could look at them for years. The way they used to shimmer in the light, the way they complimented your freckles, those gorgeous brown eyes.

They never changed, I noticed. Even when we spent years apart, I still dreamt about you, and your eyes, more than anything. I was a year into my travels when I realised you were all I ever needed, Adelia. All I ever wanted.

I filled my time hunting for all the answers to the questions science couldn't answer, but what good was that? I never found any answers, my name never became one that was well-known off of our village. I never became rich, or famous. So what was the point? I lost you, and for what?

God, Adelia. You don't know how much I miss you. Not a day goes by when I don't think of you, of your warm hugs, of your kind words. You don't know how much you  impacted me.

Do you regret having an affair? I don't think you do, it was your idea. Was it hard to go home to him after spending your days with me? We were so in love, I never understood why you didn't leave him. I would've been a better husband than that decrepit old man.  We could've eloped. None of this would've happened if you eloped.

But I'm not blaming you. No. I won't let myself blame you, because what happened that night was not your fault. I need to take responsibility for my own actions.

Adelia, my dearest Adelia. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry of how irrational I acted when you wouldn't leave him. I'm sorry I told you those things.

And I'm sorry I stabbed you.
I'm sorry I left you to die, adelia.
I love you, and forever will.

Rest easy, my love.
I'll see you soon."